Statement of Faith

While organizing the contents of my Google drive, I happened upon this document. It was a part of the application package for my former position with the Presbyterian Church (USA). It contains my personal "Statement of Faith".

I read a lot. My faith is my strength and my commitment to being a good Christian is true. I'm human. I do and have done things that either don't seem right or aren't right, but everything I do or have done has been preceded with the thought "Will I be accountable for this?"

My faith has not lessened, but in fact has grown. I am always amazed and thankful that God loves me...and I always feel it, especially when He reaches down and grabs me - saving me from a fall....again and again.

I believe in God the Father Almighty, Maker of heaven and earth, and in Jesus Christ his only Son our Lord; who was conceived by the Holy Ghost, born of the Virgin Mary, suffered under Pontius Pilate, was crucified, dead, and buried; he descended into hell; the third day he rose again from the dead; he ascended into heaven, and sitteth on the right hand of God the Father Almighty; and thence he shall come to judge the quick and the dead.  I believe in the Holy Ghost; the holy catholic church, the communion of saints, the forgiveness of sins, the resurrection of the body; and the life everlasting. Amen

My faith is a calm, cool body of water in which I, as a fish, swim. As a fish cannot survive without its watery home, I too am dependent upon my faith to sustain me and to give me life.  Additionally, while the identity of a fish is always associated with its dependence on water, so too do I seek to identify myself as a faithful Christian through my actions, words and service.  

God be in my head and in my understanding; God be in my eyes and in my looking; God be in my mouth and in my speaking; God be in my heart and in my thinking; God be at my end and my departing. (Prayer from the Old Sarum Primer)   

My conscious life in Christ began in the Presbyterian Church where my mother was the organist. I learned from an early age not only to praise God through music, but to hear His voice through music, as well.  For almost four years, I have been a member of the choir at Plaza Presbyterian church where I’ve been a member since 1999.  Pre-choir days, I thoroughly enjoyed sitting with the Congregation, engaged in worship from that perspective.  I wanted to open my heart and have the Word poured in.   Singing in the choir is more than joyfully singing – we lead worship, we assist in worship and we are active participants in worship – a far cry from the peaceful refuge in the back of the church! For me, singing in the choir is a joy and a responsibility– much like being a Christian.

“…Let all rejoice who have a voice to raise! And may God give us faith to sing always! Alleluia!”

Through God’s grace we are saved, and we cannot “earn” God’s love or forgiveness.  Through Jesus Christ we may revel in the glorious grace of God.  However, I believe that as Christians we have certain responsibilities.  God sent Jesus to show us that He loves us – as such, I believe that we are responsible for loving each other.  I believe that this is also a great challenge.  As human beings we all have particular failings inherent in the very nature of our humanity.  As Christians, we are to rise above those sinful ways but also not to judge or to detest others for exhibiting the same traits that we fight against, sometimes successfully, sometimes not.  As Christians we are commanded to love God with all our heart, soul, mind and strength.  We are also directed to love one another.  We share God’s love with others by being kind, serving God in our churches and communities, and by humbly listening for God’s voice through the din of the world.

“…and they’ll know we are Christians by our love…”

What does the Lord require of you but to do justice, and to love kindness, and to walk humbly with your God?      Micah 6:8

A Few of My Favorite Things...(blast (blessed?) from the past)

Sometimes I go through my drafts of posts that I started and didn't finish to determine if I want to finish any of them...I don't know why I didn't finish this one, but it's a blast from the past as it contains of pictures of my favorite things in my favorite place in the city where I used to live. That house and my neighbors there are something for which I will always be grateful. The house was an oasis and my neighbors were so full of love and true kindness.

From the original...

I'm not very materialistic, I know things can be lost, stolen, broken, or ruined, but I have some sentimental things that are very special to me...and yes, they're lovely and warm my heart. So please - enjoy, for these are a few of my favorite things...

Gift from Sulawesi from friend who let me babysit her cat while she was gone :-)

I've always wanted this kind of curtain in a doorway - I got to have one here

The front door with a shot of the beautiful light that filled the house when the sun was out - so almost every day!

The best kamar mandi (bathroom) big and roomy with a sunlight

My big happy mirror

Cepot the wise (gift from a very smart graduate student and friend) 

I understand that this Buddha's hand position means "do not be afraid"...when I found that out, I knew that's why I had to have this from the very first time I saw it. 

My shelf of happy things, especially the little round frame with a drawing my daughter did when she was still a little girl

Hanuman, a gift from my dear Yani

A visitor to my house from Korea saw this and thought I was Catholic. I think the line between Catholic and Protestant in the US is less defined. We all try to follow Christ.

My monkeys from Bali

Some books...

I slept on the floor like this for more than 2 years. I've always loved sleeping on the floor much more than sleeping in a bed.

The Queen of the South Sea. 

Che, from a small make up bag a friend brought me from France many years ago...

This map won an award in the US and was a gift to me from my dear sister Carolie

Map of Indonesia. I like maps.

My very favorite couch...it's old and wonderful.

Volcanic ash magnified...looks sharp and dangerous, doesn't it? 

"Conquer the Fears and Strive with Love" (English Speaking Competition, 2014)

This past weekend I had the honor to sit with two other people on the judge's panel for a national English speaking competition.

The participants were high school students from all over Indonesia and there were three sections of the competition; debate, storytelling and speech. I was one of the adjudicators for the speech competition.

The day began at 7 Saturday morning. I would hear 42 young people giving speeches meant to inspire, entertain, or inform, but all in some way or another reflected the theme of the event, to "conquer the fears and strive with love". Each contestant would be given a score for Manner (fluency and pronunciation, grammar, and expression and intonation), Matter (the content of the speech), and Method (how well they adhered to the minimum 7 minutes/maximum 10 minute rule). The scoring scale is a bit different from the scales with which I'm most familiar and that caused a bit of delay in my scoring method, but I believe that I scored as fairly as possible. The participants were selected and sent from their respective high schools, so I was dealing with people who had already passed the "average" mark!

1 - 30    =  poor
31 - 50  =  below average
51 - 75  =  average
76 - 90  =  above average
91 - 100 = excellent

The competition was handled by a competent student committee that kept everything rolling along smoothly. They had everything under control in a very professional, kind, and respectful way, as well as provided snacks and lunch for us, too!

At the beginning of the session, the rules were explained and students were asked not to talk and distract the speakers. Shortly after the competition began, we added a couple of extra rules. We added a bit of additional time between speakers (for a total time of less than 2 minutes) for the judges to thoroughly complete the scoring for each participant and we also asked participants who wished to leave the room to go between speakers. Those small changes were actually huge because we were able to respect each participant with thoughtful scores and each participant was given the opportunity to speak in an attentive room free of comings and going, as well as noise and chatter. Small things make a big difference and I believe that we created a kinder, more appreciative environment for everybody. The committee's willingness to employ those changes, straight out of a classroom management textbook, is to be commended!

It's always refreshing to hear the voices of young people and students (of all ages). There's so much hope, optimism, and idealism. The judges were given the opportunity to share some words of encouragement and after telling them how impressed I was with their speeches, I told them not to lose their great ideas, their hope and visions for a better world. I said that people will try to tell them that those are "childish ideas", but that they can actually still be idealists - even when they're as old as I am! They laughed a bit at that one!

After listening to 42 speeches, no matter the topic, some common sentiments emerged...equality, ending racism, being true to yourself, having courage, and following your dreams.

Some speakers had apparently been "trained" in speech delivery - they had the gestures down, they could raise and lower their voices to mimic passion, their diction and grammar were acceptable, but after the first round of finalists was announced, to my surprise, none of those "trained" speakers made the first cut. The people who were selected as the 16 who would move onto the next section were natural speakers...maybe they didn't produce everything perfectly, but that's what made them engaging. They were human beings sharing their perspectives, their opinions, and their strengths. Because of that, I think, we could follow along, understand and pay attention to them. They were real. And they were powerful speakers.

Some time was given, 30 minutes, I believe, for the 16 first round finalists to prepare for the next session. They were given a choice from 5 basic themes for their next speech. I didn't see the list of theme names, but based on what they presented, the themes must have been destiny & dreams, independence, family, racism, and how to stop worrying. Racism and family were chosen the most; 5 and 6 speakers, respectively, for each of those topics. Destiny & dreams and independence were chosen by 2 speakers each and only 1 for how to stop worrying.

This was an interesting turn in the competition because at this stage, we could see who could really "think on their feet" and talk about things with minimal preparation.

From there, 5 speakers were chosen. I was so pleased to see that the speakers selected were fully engaging, talented and deserved the opportunity to shine.

These finalists were given the choice of two topics. Four of the participants chose the same one with only one person choosing the other. Consistent with the overall theme of the competition, the two final themes from which to choose were roughly action, passion, and creating a better world and dreams and inspirations.

In honor of those 42 participants, I'd like to list a few quotes and reflections I noted during the event. It's really easy to get a little deflated when living in a culture other than one's own; every day is a challenge and an opportunity. News in the US at this time seems no better than the news of corruption, collusion, and violence I often read or see on TV here.

Listening to the dreams and aspirations of young people can help us all remember that it is possible to look on the bright side...and the only way is to conquer our fears and strive forward with love.

Self confidence = trust

Don't just dream at night, dream all day!

We create our own enemies

Face the problem with courage and fix it with love

Success loves preparation

A dream is a natural inspiration from God

Equal rights...treating people the same empowers everybody

Racism breaks someone's dignity - why don't we just stop it?

Fight fire with water, not fire

Love is Not a Game

Ah. Valentine's Day! For me, everyday is Valentine's Day, just like every day is Thanksgiving. My life is nothing if not for being thankful and full of love every day; that's just the way it is since I left every person I loved, everything that made me feel safe and comfortable, and everything known and understandable to go to the other side of the globe...and even beneath the equator. I have no room to take anything, and I do mean anything, for granted.

The history of Valentine's Day is murky, at best, but based on a compilation of some things I've read, one common theme is that a priest went against the order of a Roman emperor and married couples. He was sentenced to death. His name? Valentine.

Valentine's Day is a lovely time to demonstrate appreciation for the one you love. It's a great time to show appreciation for anybody, platonic friends, as well. As we tend to celebrate now, Valentine's Day is a celebration of love.

Sometimes, however, showing love and appreciation threatens the status quo, can seem shameful, or is even dangerous. Saint Valentine is a reminder of that. It is in that spirit that I continue to write on Valentine's Day.

Two years ago, a handwritten Valentine I wrote was xeroxed and sent all over Indonesia. The intention, I believe, was to shame the recipient, as well as me. Neither of us found out that this had happened until months afterwards. The note had been taken or stolen, whichever word you prefer, and was only recovered again last summer. This post is not about the note or anything related to its origins or even why it was widely (it seems) distributed, but about the options we had, the recipient and I, to respond to the love it professed.

There were two main options. The first, to pretend as if it was nothing. Lie. Pretend. A game. Silliness. That would have saved face and made people comfortable; temporarily, at least. The second would have been as simple and as dishonest. I could have gone back to the US; I was only playing, got in trouble, so I pick up my toys and go home.

The problem is that those two options would either justify a very nasty cultural norm or reinforce a very nasty stereotype.

The cultural norm is objectification. By pretending that it was just a silly game, an unimportant fling, or just for fun, that would not only reflect serious self-centered behavior, bravado, and a lack of compassion, but would also reiterate the belief that we should use other people and get what we want/need from them. "Just for fun" excuses the objectification of another person as a mere plaything, a diversion, a toy.

The second is based on privilege. Many people who visit another country, even to live and/or work, know that they can always leave whenever the fun stops. When they no longer get what they want, times get tough, they're no longer having fun, or are just ready to call it a day, they (we) can leave. What that reinforces is privilege. A history of exploiting others. A history of not truly being committed to others or activities because "this is just an adventure for me". OK - I've had my fun now - I'm leaving. OK - I've gotten what I came for - I'm leaving.

Neither of those were options. We didn't want to play that game. We chose to be honest. We tried to handle the situation as responsibly, honorably, and honestly as possible.

It's easy to lay blame. Anybody can do it anytime. Everybody can feel justified. Love isn't about that. It's patient. It's kind. It doesn't delight in wrongness. We're all human and we just do the best we can, as we can.

So, in closing, I just want to share that love is not a game. It's not a word to use as a tool to get what we want. It's not an excuse to be reckless, inconsiderate, and selfish. It's not an excuse to hurt people because, after all, "you love" them.

So today, on this day of love born out of an act of defiance, let us remember that there is no fear in love. We are called to love one another. Love is not a game, an excuse, or a diversion.

Love is more than an emotion, it is a decision. (C. S. Lewis)

It is our highest calling.

Happy Valentine's Day.

Talking to a (Facebook) Wall

Sometimes it seems that no matter what we say, how much we explain, share, show, describe and specify, some people just cannot understand what we're trying to say.

It's frustrating for many reasons, but most of all, it's frustrating because the message never gets across. It hits a wall of assumption and bounces around in the ears of a "listener" who is not trying to hear, but who is working diligently to fit whatever is said into a box labeled "already know" or worse, fitting your experiences and/or feelings into their paradigm of absolutes.

Absolutes come in handy, maybe, if you're a child. Children are new to so many things and it's important that they can translate the heat from an iron to the dangers of a hot stove top. Children need to learn how "good" behavior and "bad" behavior are different. They need to begin developing a sense of "right" and "wrong".

When we become adults, however, especially educated adults, we need to be aware of not only filters and presumptions, but also "absolutist thinking". We need to set it all aside when listening to another person. The differences between what we've experienced and what we haven't, as well as the differences between what we "know" or believe with what we're unfamiliar, can become fertile soil. It's within that cultivated mental earth that growth can occur.

Facebook is a great place to share ideas, to learn something new, to see something from a different perspective, but it can also be a place to confirm what we think we already know.

I've been thinking a lot lately about the concept of "absolutes". I didn't really know that right/wrong, good/bad, yes/no were labeled as such, but in some places and with some people, that's the extent of their mental capacity. They just can't imagine a scenario that is anything other than black or white, right or wrong, good or bad. Additionally, many people can't hear what is shared beyond their idea of who the deliverer is "Oh, an American said that...", "oh, that's just a student...", "oh, they don't have a "real" job..."

I can't judge them even though I know I do, but it's frustrating when complex ideas are ignored because they don't fit into one of those neat boxes that people carry around when they "listen" to others. Am I making somebody think too hard? Lord have mercy I hope so - maybe one of us can come away with a new idea. Maybe even an idea of how to speak more simply.

Can you imagine that quality of listening in an academic environment? Would anybody ever learn anything since they already "know"? I love the 5 Ws and big H. Where? When? Who? Why? What? How? Those questions can form the foundation for learning and growth...and they can shatter the illusion of absolutes.

Some people have a hard time speaking in front of groups. We often think about speaking as being so difficult, but for many people, listening is the hard part.

To be a good listener, we open not only our ears, but our hearts and minds. We try to get out of ourselves for a minute; put our "self" to the side, sit on the bench.

I want to be a better listener. How about you?

English Language Learning as Product or Service?

Have you ever thought of language learning as a "product"? I  never had until recently. I'm not that well-read in education terminology, but I'd think of language learning as more of a service rendered than a product delivered. Of course, I don't associate teaching English with making money, either, but I'm only just learning about how big such an industry is, especially in places where knowing English as a second (or third or fourth) language can be the difference between a not-so-good job and a better job.

But about products and services.

Products are a one-stop answer. Moisturizer. Car wax. Bug spray.

Services seem to imply relationship. House cleaning. (I'll come to your house, check it out, give you a price and if I do a good job, you'll hire me again). Computer updates and repairs...checking, assessing, making adjustments... In short, with a service there is an expectation of dialogue (How many times a week? What seems to be the problem? Has it happened before?) Possibly even some kind of analysis in order to provide a better, more complete remedy.

It's taken me too long to figure this out, but while I don't agree with everything Michelle Kelly-Irving says, this article helped a bit and at least made me realize that I may not be jumping to too many conclusions. Her argument is basically that requiring English to be the language of academic writing has "downsides...that affect knowledge, science, policy and ultimately human thinking. This imposition of English upon the rest of the world, as well as being imperialism on a global scale, is also a form of cultural, and maybe even cognitive hegemony...".

At first, I disagreed vehemently with her assertions, but as I thought about it more, she does make at least one valid point. Speaking English in many countries is not the romanticized notion of "being one" with a world community, sharing and contributing ideas, or embarking on an empowered adventure of life-long learning; but possibly a feather in the cap of status and exaggerated sense of "betterness", if you will. I often see it on Facebook - heavy or potentially contentious conversations in Indonesian will be interrupted by someone using English that is usually constructed in such a way as to demean, ridicule, or "put another" in their place". I've also noticed that for quite a few, passing the TOEFL or IELTS test in order to study abroad is often not to learn, empower those at home and contribute to the universe of ideas, but as a means to gain a promotion or more posh position...sometimes even just to get away from it all.

The status associated with English speaking ability would be easy to blow it off as yet another vestige of a colonial past, but as the famous Indonesian author, Pramoedia Ananta Toer, put in the mouth of one of his characters, the Dutch were successful here because all they had to do was to tap into an existing social order, or hierarchy. Not quite a caste system, but it exists and is pretty obvious to a Southern American who grew up with something quite similar. People have a place and there are countless mechanisms to make sure it stays that way.

It's tiresome and as an English teacher with a conscience, I can't justify teaching skills that are often used in ways that further class divisions, put down rather than raise up, make money for someone with no real concern that students achieve a holistic mastery of the language, and that even promote "snootiness".

Teaching English can be a big business here. Of course, in order for that to happen, one needs to teach English as if it were some kind of product rather than a service; a package with materials and number of lessons. Services can include product, for sure, but a product without service and a commitment to building a culture of learning is nothing of true value.

Services empower and build relationship. Products will always need another application as soon as the first wears off. Services engage, build relationship and can build a foundation for life-long learning for all involved. Marketing English language learning as a product to be sold and bought is an affront to true education, an ineffective tool for true comprehension and objectifies one of the most versatile, powerful and beautiful languages in the world.

I want to teach English, but more than that, I want to inspire minds to use English in ways that truly empower, allow soulful reflection and develop an ability to make a contribution, contextualized and powerful,  to the global library of ideas.

There are so many amazing teachers here - they love the students and want to see them succeed - as learners, as educated people, as assets to themselves and their communities.

Being a native English speaker has its perks, but I'm not interested in using that to make a buck, but to make a difference. I want to empower people to use English. I want to make connections, build a conducive environment for teachers to do what they do best and for anybody who wants to learn to be able to learn.

I don't want people to think like me, but I do want people to think...and if they choose, to use English to express their thoughts in ways that inspire, inform, and empower others.

That doesn't sound like a product to me, but I do believe that it can be a service. And a good one, at that.

A Privileged Position, Revisited

This post from "Brainpickings" is a bit more detailed than necessary for my immediate purposes, but I did borrow this image from there and it is quite appropriate for what I'd like to share today.

I want to talk about privilege again because it is damn tiresome. It's a blessing, a burden, and something that I've always wished I could ignore, but can't.

Privilege can have many forms. The most obvious to many of us is White privilege associated with institutionalized racism, but I think there are more kinds in addition to that one; being an American, having a job, owning a house, being a part of the majority group (whatever/wherever that may be), and of course, having lots of money. 

I don't remember exactly when I first became aware of privilege. I'm sure it was when I was very young, though. Maybe it was that my mother could pick me up from school every day in a car or that my family always had enough to eat. Maybe it was our house, our activities, or our opportunities. As long as you're with others who have the same, it's not very obvious. It's normal. But when you're out of context; in a diverse school, on your own, or in another country, it becomes very obvious to anyone who is paying attention.

When I was in 6th grade, there was an assembly to welcome the new members to the Beta Club, a group of students who had achieved a certain (high) GPA. I hunkered down in my seat, embarrassed. I knew my name wouldn't be called. My grades were horrible. I knew that I had dropped the ball and that I could do better.

Imagine my shock when I was called to the stage. 

That was one of the first instances of privilege I recall. Apparently it was not only embarrassing for me, but for the school who would let the upper middle class white girl with a stay at home mom and banker father fall through the cracks so horribly. 

I'm sure I asked about it - was likely shut down - continued to make bad grades...and continued to be a member of the Beta Club. Even becoming Vice President, Secretary or Treasurer, I can't remember now.

Instead of being grateful for such things, I continued to make bad grades, rebel and speak out, often arguing in class and passionately asking questions that made everybody uncomfortable. 

I guess the reason I want to talk about this is because it's a system. It's maintaining the status quo. It's the way. And it's truly not fair. 

By the time I got to high school, unearned privileges like Beta Club membership ceased to exist, but there were other things happening then. There were the girls who were pregnant and enjoyed cover from the administration to deal with their conditions and decisions whilst maintaining a bit of dignity, and there were the girls who didn't. I hope that I don't need to tell you who benefited and who did not. If you're unsure, please review the 3rd paragraph and note the most obvious kind of privilege.

I just shared those recollections to note that if we pay attention, privilege isn't something dark and sneaky. It's right there in the open.

As an American living abroad, I now understand a different kind of privilege. Anytime anything happens that doesn't suit us, we get homesick or something goes wrong, we can just pack our bags and go home. No commitment, no suffering or prolonged heartache, no repercussions for our actions...we just go home. That's nice, I think, but it also causes problems. Remember when we were kids and there was always the one who would get mad, pick up their toys and go home? Maybe they didn't want to share, be told what to do, or even eat what your Mom had made for dinner, but they could just go home. As you get older, you know the kids who play that way and you treat them accordingly. Either the kid changes or eventually you'll stop playing with them. People don't want to get too involved with anybody that will just pick up and leave whenever they don't get their way. That's what it's like as an American abroad. We can just go home when things aren't going to suit us. There's no need to really try to build relationship, no need to try to make a "real" life - we can always go back to a "real" life when we're finished playing.

Don't get me wrong, the ability to go "home" is a blessing and I'm grateful for that, but I don't think that it should be used as a crutch to escape situations that may be uncomfortable or ones in which we're not getting our way. Going home whenever we get our nose out of joint or to escape is unfair and unfortunate for a couple of reasons. First of all, it treats other places and people as objects for fun and convenience. As soon as things get serious or we hit a bump in the road, we bolt. It's rather exploitative and disrespectful. It means the people with whom you've been building a life are only conveniences to be left as necessary. This leads into number two. By running "home" at every possible opportunity, we often have to leave the people in our lives who should come with us, even for a short visit. See, for US citizens, we can go pretty much wherever we want. Few countries require visas prior to arrival, we can get the proper stamps at the airport and be on our happy way. People in other countries don't have that freedom. There are restrictions galore preventing people from other countries (especially developing countries or countries with non-Christian majorities) from entering the US, even for a short visit. It just doesn't seem fair.

I haven't been home in 3 years. Of course I miss my daughter, my family and my friends. I also miss BBQ, Southern food and good pizza. I can't go home yet. I'm not playing. I didn't come here to have fun and go snorkeling, jet setting here and there, or to take advantage of the kind of lifestyle an American salary affords here. I didn't leave all that was, and remains to be, precious to me to play. Besides that, I haven't had an American salary, or any salary, for over a year. I don't have money to run around as I might like, but I have enough for now.

I know that shocks people. It shocks people at home and here, as well. An American who doesn't run home as soon as things aren't going her way? 

Things aren't going the way they were, but that doesn't mean that they're not good. In some ways, yes, harder, but also more worthwhile. I sleep better. More meaningful, intentional and honest? Yes. 

I'm aware of my privilege, but I'm also aware that I am not my privilege. I am Charlotte. And as usual, I'm just doing the best I can.