When You're Lost is Often How to Find the Way

Finding out what you're really made of seems to be much easier when you're completely out of your comfort zone.

A dear, sweet, marvelous, smart, awesome and inspirational friend made a joke on my Facebook page that I always look like I'm on vacation, so, "what kind of job do you have and are there anymore?" Ha ha.

Since I've arrived in Indonesia, my accent has gotten a little thicker (molasses, any one?), my penchant for hot sauce and rice a little stronger (slap some greens on that pile and call it a meal) and my homage to the heat ("oh - hot? no - I don't need the AC, thanks") is a little more Darwin-istic, shall we say.

Sometimes, too, when the rug is pulled out from under you (or maybe you choose to leap off it, as did I) you must learn that what you know is but a facet of the ways things play out in real life.

Before I arrived in Indonesia, I knew that I came from a culture that prioritizes the individual and that I was going to a culture in which the group (or "society") takes priority.  It sounds simple and is easy to understand, so I was prepared. (I'm being facetious) The gaping chasm between "knowing" and "understanding" becomes incredibly evident when the following things happen to you:

1) You excitedly share with a friend that you'll soon be moving into "your own house" (YAY American style!!!) She looks at you with an expression of sheer terror and asks "Alone?!?!" Being alone here seems to be one of the absolute worst things that could ever happen to a person, much less to consider than a person would willingly bring it onto her or himself! (I won't even go into how many people, taxi drivers mostly, are completely befuddled that I came here ALONE!!! Wow!)

2) One of the coolest things that I've learned is that words for "colleague", "classmate" and "co-worker" aren't really used here.  In each instance in which any of those words would apply, the kind word "friend" is used.  One example of how this works is from my yoga classes where we regularly "partner up" for assists ("partner with a friend").  I've yet to be injured and I don't think I've injured anybody.  It's kind of a refreshing change to get out of your head and into a world of social cooperation. 

3) A simple exercise in language learning class on giving advice exposed the very heart of the differences between individualist and social cultures. It would be nearly impossible for a person from an individualist culture to give advice without first knowing a great deal about the recipient...we would custom-create advice specific to that person.  In a culture that prioritizes the group, one answer should suffice for any member and be equally applicable, possibly even assuming that there is such a thing as an answer that is always right...

4) I don't really know how much this plays into the individualistic/social dynamic or not, but I think that I will say it does for these purposes. The state of marriage in my country is abysmal. And I'm not even talking about gay marriage, I'm talking about the fact that at least 50% of American marriages end in divorce.  The upshot of that is, though, that in the US there are plenty of single people my age.  I see them in the park, maybe interact with them in a social setting, maybe even work with them.  I don't feel very alone there - there are plenty of people my age and of similar social standing.  Here marriages rarely end in divorce.  And people marry when they are in their late 20's.  When people marry, it is often said that they marry a family - how that plays out is that women are never stranded at home to raise babies alone, when conflict arises some older family member steps in to mediate, and both members of the marriage have a seemingly endless support network who have a vested interest in maintaining the marriage.  So, sometimes I feel as if I never see anybody my age (in a country in which age is paramount) and it can feel weird.  I didn't realize it until I watched this video the other day

and I found myself lovingly gazing into the lines of his face because I haven't seen any except mine for so long......

I've often written about how grateful I am to be here and that is the truth.  I am excited to learn and to be challenged by these "understandings".

The title of this post is "When You're Lost is Often How to Find the Way" but I must confess.  I've yet to be "lost"....I've "known" everything....except sometimes that I was lost...and now I know, for real, that through the grace of God I am finding my way....and it's a glorious adventure.