A Few of My Favorite Things...(blast (blessed?) from the past)

Sometimes I go through my drafts of posts that I started and didn't finish to determine if I want to finish any of them...I don't know why I didn't finish this one, but it's a blast from the past as it contains of pictures of my favorite things in my favorite place in the city where I used to live. That house and my neighbors there are something for which I will always be grateful. The house was an oasis and my neighbors were so full of love and true kindness.

From the original...

I'm not very materialistic, I know things can be lost, stolen, broken, or ruined, but I have some sentimental things that are very special to me...and yes, they're lovely and warm my heart. So please - enjoy, for these are a few of my favorite things...

Gift from Sulawesi from friend who let me babysit her cat while she was gone :-)

I've always wanted this kind of curtain in a doorway - I got to have one here

The front door with a shot of the beautiful light that filled the house when the sun was out - so almost every day!

The best kamar mandi (bathroom) big and roomy with a sunlight

My big happy mirror

Cepot the wise (gift from a very smart graduate student and friend) 

I understand that this Buddha's hand position means "do not be afraid"...when I found that out, I knew that's why I had to have this from the very first time I saw it. 

My shelf of happy things, especially the little round frame with a drawing my daughter did when she was still a little girl

Hanuman, a gift from my dear Yani

A visitor to my house from Korea saw this and thought I was Catholic. I think the line between Catholic and Protestant in the US is less defined. We all try to follow Christ.

My monkeys from Bali

Some books...

I slept on the floor like this for more than 2 years. I've always loved sleeping on the floor much more than sleeping in a bed.

The Queen of the South Sea. 

Che, from a small make up bag a friend brought me from France many years ago...

This map won an award in the US and was a gift to me from my dear sister Carolie

Map of Indonesia. I like maps.

My very favorite couch...it's old and wonderful.

Volcanic ash magnified...looks sharp and dangerous, doesn't it? 

"Conquer the Fears and Strive with Love" (English Speaking Competition, 2014)

This past weekend I had the honor to sit with two other people on the judge's panel for a national English speaking competition.

The participants were high school students from all over Indonesia and there were three sections of the competition; debate, storytelling and speech. I was one of the adjudicators for the speech competition.

The day began at 7 Saturday morning. I would hear 42 young people giving speeches meant to inspire, entertain, or inform, but all in some way or another reflected the theme of the event, to "conquer the fears and strive with love". Each contestant would be given a score for Manner (fluency and pronunciation, grammar, and expression and intonation), Matter (the content of the speech), and Method (how well they adhered to the minimum 7 minutes/maximum 10 minute rule). The scoring scale is a bit different from the scales with which I'm most familiar and that caused a bit of delay in my scoring method, but I believe that I scored as fairly as possible. The participants were selected and sent from their respective high schools, so I was dealing with people who had already passed the "average" mark!

1 - 30    =  poor
31 - 50  =  below average
51 - 75  =  average
76 - 90  =  above average
91 - 100 = excellent

The competition was handled by a competent student committee that kept everything rolling along smoothly. They had everything under control in a very professional, kind, and respectful way, as well as provided snacks and lunch for us, too!

At the beginning of the session, the rules were explained and students were asked not to talk and distract the speakers. Shortly after the competition began, we added a couple of extra rules. We added a bit of additional time between speakers (for a total time of less than 2 minutes) for the judges to thoroughly complete the scoring for each participant and we also asked participants who wished to leave the room to go between speakers. Those small changes were actually huge because we were able to respect each participant with thoughtful scores and each participant was given the opportunity to speak in an attentive room free of comings and going, as well as noise and chatter. Small things make a big difference and I believe that we created a kinder, more appreciative environment for everybody. The committee's willingness to employ those changes, straight out of a classroom management textbook, is to be commended!

It's always refreshing to hear the voices of young people and students (of all ages). There's so much hope, optimism, and idealism. The judges were given the opportunity to share some words of encouragement and after telling them how impressed I was with their speeches, I told them not to lose their great ideas, their hope and visions for a better world. I said that people will try to tell them that those are "childish ideas", but that they can actually still be idealists - even when they're as old as I am! They laughed a bit at that one!

After listening to 42 speeches, no matter the topic, some common sentiments emerged...equality, ending racism, being true to yourself, having courage, and following your dreams.

Some speakers had apparently been "trained" in speech delivery - they had the gestures down, they could raise and lower their voices to mimic passion, their diction and grammar was acceptable, but after the first round of finalists was announced, to my surprise, none of those "trained" speakers made the first cut. The people who were selected as the 16 who would move onto the next section were natural speakers...maybe they didn't produce everything perfectly, but that's what made them engaging. They were human beings sharing their perspectives, their opinions, and their strengths. Because of that, I think, we could follow along, understand and pay attention to them. They were real. And they were powerful speakers.

Some time was given, 30 minutes, I believe, for the 16 first round finalists to prepare for the next session. They were given a choice from 5 basic themes for their next speech. I didn't see the list of theme names, but based on what they presented, the themes must have been destiny & dreams, independence, family, racism, and how to stop worrying. Racism and family were chosen the most; 5 and 6 speakers, respectively, for each of those topics. Destiny & dreams and independence were chosen by 2 speakers each and only 1 for how to stop worrying.

This was an interesting turn in the competition because at this stage, we could see who could really "think on their feet" and talk about things with minimal preparation.

From there, 5 speakers were chosen. I was so pleased to see that the speakers selected were fully engaging, talented and deserved the opportunity to shine.

These finalists were given the choice of two topics. Four of the participants chose the same one with only one person choosing the other. Consistent with the overall theme of the competition, the two final themes from which to choose were roughly action, passion, and creating a better world and dreams and inspirations.

In honor of those 42 participants, I'd like to list a few quotes and reflections I noted during the event. It's really easy to get a little deflated when living in a culture other than one's own; every day is a challenge and an opportunity. News in the US at this time seems no better than the news of corruption, collusion, and violence I often read or see on TV here.

Listening to the dreams and aspirations of young people can help us all remember that it is possible to look on the bright side...and the only way is to conquer our fears and strive forward with love.

Self confidence = trust

Don't just dream at night, dream all day!

We create our own enemies

Face the problem with courage and fix it with love

Success loves preparation

A dream is a natural inspiration from God

Equal rights...treating people the same empowers everybody

Racism breaks someone's dignity - why don't we just stop it?

Fight fire with water, not fire

Love is Not a Game

Ah. Valentine's Day! For me, everyday is Valentine's Day, just like every day is Thanksgiving. My life is nothing if not for being thankful and full of love every day; that's just the way it is since I left every person I loved, everything that made me feel safe and comfortable, and everything known and understandable to go to the other side of the globe...and even beneath the equator. I have no room to take anything, and I do mean anything, for granted.

The history of Valentine's Day is murky, at best, but based on a compilation of some things I've read, one common theme is that a priest went against the order of a Roman emperor and married couples. He was sentenced to death. His name? Valentine.

Valentine's Day is a lovely time to demonstrate appreciation for the one you love. It's a great time to show appreciation for anybody, platonic friends, as well. As we tend to celebrate now, Valentine's Day is a celebration of love.

Sometimes, however, showing love and appreciation threatens the status quo, can seem shameful, or is even dangerous. Saint Valentine is a reminder of that. It is in that spirit that I continue to write on Valentine's Day.

Two years ago, a handwritten Valentine I wrote was xeroxed and sent all over Indonesia. The intention, I believe, was to shame the recipient, as well as me. Neither of us found out that this had happened until months afterwards. The note had been taken or stolen, whichever word you prefer, and was only recovered again last summer. This post is not about the note or anything related to its origins or even why it was widely (it seems) distributed, but about the options we had, the recipient and I, to respond to the love it professed.

There were two main options. The first, to pretend as if it was nothing. Lie. Pretend. A game. Silliness. That would have saved face and made people comfortable; temporarily, at least. The second would have been as simple and as dishonest. I could have gone back to the US; I was only playing, got in trouble, so I pick up my toys and go home.

The problem is that those two options would either justify a very nasty cultural norm or reinforce a very nasty stereotype.

The cultural norm is objectification. By pretending that it was just a silly game, an unimportant fling, or just for fun, that would not only reflect serious self-centered behavior, bravado, and a lack of compassion, but would also reiterate the belief that we should use other people and get what we want/need from them. "Just for fun" excuses the objectification of another person as a mere plaything, a diversion, a toy.

The second is based on privilege. Many people who visit another country, even to live and/or work, know that they can always leave whenever the fun stops. When they no longer get what they want, times get tough, they're no longer having fun, or are just ready to call it a day, they (we) can leave. What that reinforces is privilege. A history of exploiting others. A history of not truly being committed to others or activities because "this is just an adventure for me". OK - I've had my fun now - I'm leaving. OK - I've gotten what I came for - I'm leaving.

Neither of those were options. We didn't want to play that game. We chose to be honest. We tried to handle the situation as responsibly, honorably, and honestly as possible.

It's easy to lay blame. Anybody can do it anytime. Everybody can feel justified. Love isn't about that. It's patient. It's kind. It doesn't delight in wrongness. We're all human and we just do the best we can, as we can.

So, in closing, I just want to share that love is not a game. It's not a word to use as a tool to get what we want. It's not an excuse to be reckless, inconsiderate, and selfish. It's not an excuse to hurt people because, after all, "you love" them.

So today, on this day of love born out of an act of defiance, let us remember that there is no fear in love. We are called to love one another. Love is not a game, an excuse, or a diversion.

Love is more than an emotion, it is a decision. (C. S. Lewis)

It is our highest calling.

Happy Valentine's Day.

Talking to a (Facebook) Wall

Sometimes it seems that no matter what we say, how much we explain, share, show, describe and specify, some people just cannot understand what we're trying to say.

It's frustrating for many reasons, but most of all, it's frustrating because the message never gets across. It hits a wall of assumption and bounces around in the ears of a "listener" who is not trying to hear, but who is working diligently to fit whatever is said into a box labeled "already know" or worse, fitting your experiences and/or feelings into their paradigm of absolutes.

Absolutes come in handy, maybe, if you're a child. Children are new to so many things and it's important that they can translate the heat from an iron to the dangers of a hot stove top. Children need to learn how "good" behavior and "bad" behavior are different. They need to begin developing a sense of "right" and "wrong".

When we become adults, however, especially educated adults, we need to be aware of not only filters and presumptions, but also "absolutist thinking". We need to set it all aside when listening to another person. The differences between what we've experienced and what we haven't, as well as the differences between what we "know" or believe with what we're unfamiliar, can become fertile soil. It's within that cultivated mental earth that growth can occur.

Facebook is a great place to share ideas, to learn something new, to see something from a different perspective, but it can also be a place to confirm what we think we already know.

I've been thinking a lot lately about the concept of "absolutes". I didn't really know that right/wrong, good/bad, yes/no were labeled as such, but in some places and with some people, that's the extent of their mental capacity. They just can't imagine a scenario that is anything other than black or white, right or wrong, good or bad. Additionally, many people can't hear what is shared beyond their idea of who the deliverer is "Oh, an American said that...", "oh, that's just a student...", "oh, they don't have a "real" job..."

I can't judge them even though I know I do, but it's frustrating when complex ideas are ignored because they don't fit into one of those neat boxes that people carry around when they "listen" to others. Am I making somebody think too hard? Lord have mercy I hope so - maybe one of us can come away with a new idea. Maybe even an idea of how to speak more simply.

Can you imagine that quality of listening in an academic environment? Would anybody ever learn anything since they already "know"? I love the 5 Ws and big H. Where? When? Who? Why? What? How? Those questions can form the foundation for learning and growth...and they can shatter the illusion of absolutes.

Some people have a hard time speaking in front of groups. We often think about speaking as being so difficult, but for many people, listening is the hard part.

To be a good listener, we open not only our ears, but our hearts and minds. We try to get out of ourselves for a minute; put our "self" to the side, sit on the bench.

I want to be a better listener. How about you?