Blast from the Past - Unpublished Blog from August 2011

Stream of consciousness writing has always been fun for me - usually I do it in the privacy of one of my many notebooks and usually when I'm trying to figure something out...

There are many things that I'm trying to figure out right now and I think that's why I haven't written a blog in so long - where to start?  

Ramadan - the month of August was the time of Ramadan, a time in which the Muslim faithful fast from before 6 in the morning until almost 6 at night.  They put nothing in or to their mouths. No smoking, no gum chewing and certainly no eating or drinking. As a result of the majority of the population fasting, many of the food stalls where I usually eat were closed, and because I really haven't felt the need, or had the facilities, to cook here, I was in a bit of a pickle.  All was fine, I learned a lot, but what I really learned and thought about was how the Muslim faithful manage in a country such as the US, that hardly acknowledges such a time, and certainly the restaurants don't close - the temptations abound and the already challenging commitment to fast is made even more difficult by a dominant majority that doesn't understand.  Hhhhhhhmmmmm. Each night around 6, the Buka Puasa, or fast breaking, happens - there is much special food available and friends gather, and invite you to join them, in celebrating the end of a day of reflection and discipline.

The end of the season of Ramadan is marked by Idul Fitri - 5 days of lavish celebrations with friends, family and forgiveness.  It is quite beautiful and really special to be invited to so many friends houses for special celebrations!

For me, trying to comprehend the beauty of the season, the implications of its observance at home, the struggle with my high-maintenance eating habits AND trying to close out the summer semester at 2 universities was almost a little much...oh yes, and did I mention I moved, as well? I won't even go into to detail about how I hadn't taken a "real" vacation in 7 months and that I had about spun myself into a frenzied wild thing! Woo! Time to slow down.

Breathe.

The time of Idul Fitri allowed me the opportunity to not work for a week.  It would be nice to say that I could reflect and be some kind of productive, but in all honesty, for the first time in months I shut down.  I stayed in my new house, slept like a rock, played with my cat, organized my new life in my new dwelling...and I tried not to do ANYTHING. Nothing that required my brain. And now I'm lost.

The Things We Take for Granted...

In the United States, we have many freedoms. Some might argue that we have too many freedoms, but I say our country was founded on the idea of freedom and that goes hand in hand with the equally omniscient Puritan work ethic. In other words, freedom is really not free. We do have to work for it. And we should.

Assumed, and frequently reminded, Americans know that the ultimate authority is the individual. We honor the individual and that is a significant part of our culture. We also believe that seeking happiness is a God-given right for each individual. "We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness." These opening lines of the Declaration of Independence have since been interpreted to include all men, especially Women.

Divorce is never a pretty word. Yes, close to 50% of American marriages end in divorce, but I daresay that it rarely occurs in the midst of celebratory happiness of newfound freedom.

In many of the college classes in which I participate, students learn the future tense of English by discussing their plans for the future. For example, "In five years I will...in ten years I will..." More often than not, the students, usually between the ages of 18 and 21, say that they will be married in 5 years. The social pressure to marry is intense and hardly comprehensible for an American. Undergraduates in America would likely answer the same questions with something related to their careers, their dreams and goals. Marriage, I offer, is certainly not first and foremost in their immediate plans, but maybe that has to do as much with the belief that marriage involves a loss of freedom or that it requires more work than feasible in the near future.

Indonesian culture can be described as collectivist. In other words, the group is the most important authority and people should conform to, honor and respect the mores of the group into which they were born; family, ethnic group, community. In addition to always having the support of the group as one grows, marries and hopefully grows old, society here is such that middle class married people often have live-in "helpers" to assist with the housework, meal preparation and childcare. In other words, a marriage involves many more people than the immediate family. I admit that would be a tempting life; one of which even an independent American woman can appreciate. I can only imagine how different my life would have been as a wife and mother with the assistance of a vast support network AND a helper. Luxury. Pure and simple. Marriage wouldn't be so intimidating if you knew you'd have at least one helper, that's for sure. As a result of that and other social factors, marriage and having children here isn't viewed as a burden and a difficulty, but possibly an arrival into "the good life".

That being said, the social pressure to marry in Indonesia certainly produces results and I am certain that some people marry because they are genuinely in love. Unfortunately, however, I am equally sure that some people marry in response to the societal pressure. Perhaps that, coupled with the fact that not all couples arrive into "the good life", causes undue stress and can create unhappy unions.  In addition to the possibility of many unhappy marriages, one of the saddest things that I've actually witnessed is the shame, embarrassment and apparent feelings of worthlessness exhibited by some people 26-28 years old who are not yet married...very often because they've been pursuing graduate degrees or similar! Ashamed because you sought to improve yourself, enhance your earning potential and build a career? Again, another hard thing for the Western mind to absorb...

While 50% of American marriages may end in divorce, I shudder to imagine the percentage of unhappy, miserable Indonesian marriages.  My heart is heavy. On more than a few occasions, I have become aware of such unions. With more severe consequences here than in the United States, divorce has myriad connotations. First of all, it often matters not if the husband abandons the family, beats the wife or similar, it is often considered to be the woman's fault; she lost her husband, she wasn't a competent wife, she was the root of the problems in the marriage. Secondly, and in my opinion, of equal if not more disturbing significance, is that some people, both men and women, may lose their jobs as a result of divorce, regardless of the cause|s|. This is due, in part, to both the cultural norms and taboos, as well as to the role religion plays in society.  Religion is integrated into civil society in ways that Westerners can hardly fathom. A person's religion is noted on the required identification card. Any actions will be a reflection on the person's religion; this is especially significant if you happen to belong to one of the five minority religions. (People from different religions (there are 6 approved religions from which people can choose: Islam, Christianity, Catholicism, Confucianism, Buddhism and Hinduism) are prohibited by law from marrying. This would be an appropriate place to ponder the number of people truly in love who won't marry outside their faith, but that's a topic for another time.)

In short, the institution of marriage is so deeply ingrained into the cultural psyche, due in part to the culture and the perceived edicts of most religions, that its roots reach farther than easily understood by many Westerners and the repercussions of divorce here have more serious consequences.

In the United States, marriage is less of a social commitment and more of a commitment to an individual. Therefore, if one of the partners in the union fails to uphold the vows or the "contractual agreement", the opportunities for resolution or dissolution are easier. It's a private matter to be solved by the two involved.  More often than not, people try everything to salvage the relationship prior to divorce: counseling, return to church, date night, increased communication - anything to save the marriage. Work surely can produce desired results, right? In short, divorce is never a pretty thing and nobody ever wishes it upon another (save in the instance of spousal abuse), but at least in the US, most of us don't have to worry about losing our social standing, friends and family, human dignity and/or jobs.

In Indonesia, a divorce can cause a person to lose status, extended families and possibly worse, their jobs.

Losing a job here is a big deal. While there are many available jobs, it is totally permissible for an employer to establish an age range - therefore, if you're a certain age with a limited education, you could be in big trouble.  In addition to that, job postings here also specify a desired gender...if you're a woman of a certain age with a limited education, opportunities for employment are few.  Yes and wait; there's more. If  a women with a position in a religious organization divorces (even if her husband leaves her or beats her), she very likely will not be able to keep her job or find employment within other religious organizations. This holds the same for men employed in a religious capacity. Religious people are not supposed to divorce. Period. Regardless of the reason. Do you have any idea how many religious leaders in the US are divorced or miserable?

(disclaimer...because freedom of religion is important in the US, the government does not manage data related to religious affiliation, additionally, because the vast majority of Americans profess association with Christianity, the quickly available data refers mostly to Christianity - to see how difficult it is to quickly gather info, check this out...2012 Statistical Abstract - US Census - that's PhD work....not for a blog!)

Perhaps it is a rather morbid thing for which to give thanks. I wish that almost 50% of American marriages didn't end in divorce, but if we have to get out, at least we can. At least the bottom doesn't drop out from under us. At least we can have hope for a better life. For many of my Indonesian brothers and sisters, it's just not that easy. And more often than not, that's not a good thing.

Christmas 2011...the Lighter Side

Elly, one of my very best friends here, had a birthday on December 24th. Usually on December 24th, I'm going to church and having a party. Here, church was to be on the 25th, so the 24th was the party...and it was for Elly and to celebrate Christmas Eve.

We purchased a big cake, a big "ceremonial" rice dish (called a "tupeng") and people brought food and snacks. At the height of the evening, there were 20-25 people in my house, affectionately called "the tempat happy-happy" (the fun place). The following are some pictures from that night, as well as a couple of trees that I found to be really cool.

Christmas was a blessing for me. My friends here are a blessing. People getting together, regardless of religious background, to celebrate and share love. That is a blessing. And I'm blessed that it's a big part of my job; my real job.

Elly getting in to the tupeng

Some friends in attendance...

The extent of my personal Christmas decor...

A Christmas tree made of....COCONUT shells! :-) Very creative!

My awesome friend Farsijana and I in front of her beautiful tree.

Some of my friends who make my life beautiful!

Freedom, Faith and Following

I was asked to speak at the English speaking church service (YIC, the Yogyakarta International Congregation) that I attend regularly...and I was asked with relatively short notice because the scheduled speaker was unable to make it.

This is an exciting opportunity for me (because I love to talk), but I am extremely intimidated to speak in  that position. As a Christian, I consider my job to follow, not to lead. I am not comfortable speaking as if I have something of value to offer. I am a sinner (as are we all) and it terrifies me to try and communicate what I hold most dear, which is my faith in God. With no theological training, other than a lifetime of attending church, singing in the choir and serving on the Board of Elders, taking passages out of context or misinterpreting something is of constant concern. In light of the short notice, I decided to just try and make sense out of my most recent experience, reading the Advent/Christmas lectionary during the month of December. What follows is roughly what I shared.

During the month of December, I committed myself to read daily the Advent/Christmas Lectionary made available through my church, the Presbyterian Church (USA). Lectionary 2011  That is usually the way I read the Bible; guided by a lectionary, in response to a sermon, or to understand some theologically-oriented article. On occasion, I open it in hopes of finding a passage of comfort (and I usually find something NOT comforting) or in hopes of something meaningful (and I find something CONFUSING). In short, reading the Bible is a little intimidating to me.

The passages for the early days of the season seemed to focus on God's wrath and mighty vengeance or praise and worship. I was more than a little confused as to why the focus was on all the "hell fire and brimstone" and not more on the waiting, the anticipation...you know...the sweet things of the season. I continued to read.

On December 22, the tide began to change. The reading was from Galatians Chapter 3. As happened often during the course of my reading, I failed to stop at the end but continued to read beyond, intrigued by the story. Galatians 3, verses 23-26 are now among my favorite verses and they make clear why I was so confused earlier in the month.

23Now before faith came, 

we were imprisoned and guarded under the law until faith would be revealed. 

24Therefore the law was our disciplinarian until Christ came, so that we might be justified by faith.

  25But now that faith has come, we are no longer subject to a disciplinarian, 

26for in Jesus Christ you are all children of God through faith.

As a Protestant Christian, it is that freedom through faith that we celebrate. Before I read the Lectionary, I have to admit that I had overlooked the scenario from which we were freed through Christ; traditional norms and cultural prohibitions, a world ruled by a God of perceived wrath and vengeance. That is, indeed, the Good News. Right? Ah ha!

So. We are free. Free of the law. Freed from cultural norms and traditions preceding the arrival of Christ, vengeance and wrath, but certainly not really free. Aren't we supposed to do something to honor that sweet gift of Grace?

James 2:26

For just as the body without the spirit is dead, so faith without works is also dead.

We are supposed to do something...but what? The answer begins in Matthew, chapter 19, verses16-30:

16Just then a man came up to Jesus and asked, “Teacher, what good thing must I do to get eternal life?” 17“Why do you ask me about what is good?” Jesus replied. “There is only One who is good. If you want to enter life, keep the commandments.” 18“Which ones?” he inquired.

Jesus replied, “‘You shall not murder, you shall not commit adultery, you shall not steal, you shall not give false testimony, 19honor your father and mother,’[a] and ‘love your neighbor as yourself.’[b]” 20“All these I have kept,” the young man said. “What do I still lack?”

21Jesus answered, “If you want to be perfect, go, sell your possessions and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow me.” 22When the young man heard this, he went away sad, because he had great wealth. 23Then Jesus said to his disciples, “Truly I tell you, it is hard for someone who is rich to enter the kingdom of heaven. 24Again I tell you, it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for someone who is rich to enter the kingdom of God.”

25When the disciples heard this, they were greatly astonished and asked, “Who then can be saved?”

26Jesus looked at them and said, “With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.”

27Peter answered him, “We have left everything to follow you! What then will there be for us?”

28Jesus said to them, “Truly I tell you, at the renewal of all things, when the Son of Man sits on his glorious throne, you who have followed me will also sit on twelve thrones, judging the twelve tribes of Israel. 29And everyone who has left houses or brothers or sisters or father or mother or wife[c] or children or fields for my sake will receive a hundred times as much and will inherit eternal life. 30But many who are first will be last, and many who are last will be first.

Usually when this is read, I've tended to focus on the "rich entering the kingdom of heaven" part, but this reading showed me something a little different. 

• only One who is good
• "IF you want to be PERFECT..."
• "Who can be saved?"
• "With man this is IMPOSSIBLE (note: IMPOSSIBLE) but with God all things are possible
• "Many who are first will be last and many who are last will be first"

I read this understanding that it is our very nature as humans, not rich humans particularly, but humans in general, to be imperfect. We CANNOT be perfect. There will always be something that we can't give up or do - maybe some of us can give away all of our possessions, but we might possibly give false testimony... maybe we've done everything right...except maybe we failed to honor our father and mother at one point or another in our lives...the list can go on. 

The message for me is this: we cannot be perfect. It is arrogant, frankly, to assume that we can be because there is "only One who is good". What can we do, then? What are we called to do? What can we, imperfect and impossible, do to serve God?

The answer, to me, is here in my very favorite verses. In chapter 22, Matthew, verses 36-40:

36“Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?” 37Jesus replied: 

“‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’[c] 

38This is the first and greatest commandment. 

39And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’[d] 

40All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.”

Love God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and love your neighbor as yourself. Amen. That is the blueprint for my life. That is my goal and it seems as if (hopefully) that's exactly what I'm supposed to be doing. But now. How to love? Thank goodness for having it spelled out for us, because it's not easy...but it's mandatory. And we have to show love to EVERYBODY. (Even to those who we think to be undeserving.) 

Corinthians 13:1-7

1If I speak in the tongues[a] of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. 2If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. 

3If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast,[b] but do not have love, I gain nothing.

 4Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Yes. This is a challenge. But it is the way. And we have to try.

Christmas 2011

This year was the first Christmas, in my life, that I have ever spent away from my family and away from my daughter. Additionally, I spent what is arguably one of the most significant seasons of the Christian year in a country with an Islamic religious majority, Christian minority. I knew it would be different and it was, but not in a bad way - just a different way - consistent with the way Indonesia often is. Different. That's all.

 In the US, we celebrate Christmas the entire month of December. Christmas parties, events at church and work, and opportunities to give generously mark the season and it's veritably impossible to escape the seasonal joy. Of course, some of my friends were envious of me - how lucky I am to be away from the overbearing commercialization of the season!

When the stores start putting out the Christmas items in October, that's irritating. When radio stations start playing Christmas music 24 hours a day before Thanksgiving, that's irritating. When the season that acknowledges the birth of Christ is used for selling anything and everything, that's irritating. But let me tell you. Seeing hardly nothing at all, well, it's not irritating, but it's surely different. It requires introspection...a closer look inside at beliefs, faith and traditions...one has to tap into the source of the season; and I did.

The first thing I did was visit the Presbyterian Church (PC(USA)) website and find the lectionary for Advent through Christmas. Every morning and evening, with rare exception, I read the passages. It felt as if the passages early in the month focused on praise, worship and FEAR! Highlighting the power of God's wrath and His mighty vengeance seemed odd to me this time of year, but I continued reading. Around December 22, the tide began to change as I read the passages from Galatians 3:23-26 (now among my favorites):

23Now before faith came, 

we were imprisoned and guarded under the law until faith would be revealed. 

24Therefore the law was our disciplinarian until Christ came, so that we might be justified by faith.

  25But now that faith has come, we are no longer subject to a disciplinarian, 

26for in Jesus Christ you are all children of God through faith.

I then understood why the focus on God's wrath seemed so out of place to me; we Christians know we are free. We are a "Resurrection People" - we focus on salvation...and sometimes we may forget from what we were saved. The passages from Galatians, and the earlier passages, reminded me. And we need to remember. We need to be thankful. And we need to be joyful! John 3:17

17For God did not send the Son into the world to condemn the world, 

but in order that the world might be saved through Him

That is the message of Christmas. And that is what we need to remember, regardless of whether it seems quite easy or quite....different. 

Reflections, Rambling, Relationships and the Ride

January 20th marked one year that I've been in Indonesia. Wow. Have you any idea what I've learned, the challenges I've faced and the blessings I've received??? Too many for a blog, that's for sure, but I'll give it a try.

Coming here to "teach English" has been a blessing. I work in two awesome offices with amazing people. I wrote teach English with quotes because my classes always involve so much more and I often do other things; visit classes with other teachers to provide "native speaking" assistance, conduct lessons on Academic English that are more about critical thinking and the way Western academics present arguments, help students improve their already quite proficient abilities (expanding vocabulary, motivating and inspiring, laughing!) Sometimes it seems as if my work is either boom or bust - so busy or so not busy, but all the same, I try to work as expected and contribute as much as I can to the already successful departments.

Life here is amazing and perfect for me. It is either smooth and easy or CHALLENGING! I think the biggest challenge I've faced is the lack of mobility. I've been driving a car since I was 16 years old...I'm not quite ready to brave the traffic here because the rules are so different, the flow is more like a river than a traffic pattern and with all the other things to learn, I decided to wait a while (I think this year I'll be ready)

Coming from the South ( The South/Wikipedia )the weather here poses no problem, nor does the food (it's a bit of a challenge to find vegetarian fare on occasion, but it's not a problem) and the fact that people are always friendly and speak when passing makes it feel like home (even though when I'm lucky I'm speaking in Indonesian!)

The biggest differences with which I have the most trouble are the way we talk about things, the significance of the individual or group, and the perception (or acceptance) of power/privilege. For an in depth look at some of these differences, the explanations and charts here are invaluable!

Clearly Cultural


In spite of the challenges, I love my life here. The people in my life certainly make it; of that there's no question. I have the most amazing friends that I've ever had in my life, I have grown exponentially and I continually see God's hand all over the place. 



Things I love about Indonesia...

• the people and my awesome friends (co-workers, neighbors, students - once you've met a person here they are called "friend"...awesome)

• the hot spicy foods...and rice for breakfast :-)

• people taking their babies outside to feed them

• The word for "running around" is jalan-jalan (technically "roads") Kind of fun - hitting the streets, running around and having fun is called "jalan-jalan". Fun.

• the architecture, the tiled floors, the operable windows and the sound of rustling bamboo

• the chickens (especially the roosters) around my house

On how living in Indonesia is like riding my bike...

I have a fixed gear bicycle and I LOVE it.

LOVE, I mean.

A fixed-gear bicycle ("fixie") is different in that its gears are fixed...if the bike is moving, the chain is still going and so are the peddles. These bikes typically have no brakes, even though sometimes they are modified to include one, but the brakes on my bike are my legs. I love my bike and riding it as often as possible is not only a favorite pastime, but it offers an excellent way to describe my life here in Indonesia.

Riding a fixie requires complete concentration. Any slight drop in concentration could cause a fall, or worse yet, a run-in with another vehicle. 

In my life here, I always have to pay attention; to the way I say things, to the way others say things to me, to what's going on around me...I can never coast...

Stopping, going and choosing the direction to go involves using my mind, my body and my heart (more then 3 people have told me that to drive successfully here you have to "feel" the flow of the traffic!) Renewing the ability to feel has been a welcome change, but one that often requires a little effort...feelings are often of less import than reasoned thought in American culture.

I have to control my speed so that I can stop if I need to stop; too fast and you can't stop successfully when needed and too slow...well, too slow? Where's the fun in that?

Peddling forward takes effort and there's no coasting; it's constant movement. While it is possible to peddle backwards, it it WAY much harder and is probably only worth the effort in very rare instances...for instance, only when you want to see if you can actually do it-therefore-foreward ho! So no going backwards - always moving forward...but if it's necessary to go backwards, I can, but it probably won't be worth it!

So I plan to continue moving forward - being thankful for each day, for all the love and friendship in my life, and for the challenges that deftly polish my rough edges. All I need to do is keep air in the tires and love in my heart.