Terima Kasih

I seem to enjoy putting pressure on myself.  Now that I've started this blog, I feel a responsibility to write about cool things and to be respectful of my readers' time.  As a result, I've been grappling with potential subjects for the blogs to come.  Should I talk about the orchids that grow in leggy clumps throughout this neighborhood?  Should I talk about the kindness of the people? What about all the motorbikes? As is becoming quite commonplace in my life, the answer came without the least bit of effort on my part and for that I'm grateful.  Thank you (terima kasih)

Patience seemed to be the topic of my first post...yes, how I'm so patient now. Absolutely.  Well, frankly, I'm not at all patient. I may be patient with the world, with others, waiting in line or waiting for a visa approval, but I am as impatient as ever (and maybe even more so) with myself.  I've been here two complete days plus a couple of partial days and I've never felt so...maladapted.  I don't mean unprepared or unappreciative - I mean how I struggle to get my bearings!

The language is not at all making sense to me - it is unlike anything with which I'm familiar - I'm  struggling to remember how things should be pronounced, where the accents go and determining commonalities.  Johnnie To's action thriller, Full Time Killer, mixes at least 4 languages at random and I grasp words more easily watching it than comprehending anything here in Jogja, even within the context of a friendly greeting!

The city's population is a little less than the population of my hometown, Charlotte NC...but it is developed in a completely different manner and I'm just NOW figuring out how the street I live on relates to the ones around it (I'm a planner, afterall, and need to understand these things). Only today do I have an inkling of an idea as to where I am in the city (kind of).

This is a large metropolitan city, but careful as you're walking - there are motorbikes EVERYWHERE and surfing amongst them are cars, small buses and trucks of varying sizes.  When they're not on the road, they're parked on the sidewalks in front of the businesses...talk about a challenge to spot landmarks!

Do I sound a little uptight?  That's the point if so - how could I so quickly forget the lesson of patience I thought I had learned so well?  I've been pretty hard on myself - got to get it together!  Figure out the roads - learn the language - spot those landmarks! (never mind that I've only been here 3 days)

It hit me whilst enjoying coffee with a new friend - he was reposed in his seat, relaxed as we discussed the challenges of this particular environment.  I was almost on the edge of my seat, elbows perched on the table in complete Type A fashion - we're going to figure this out!

It came to pass that he was having the same kinds of struggles as I was having - it's hard to get your bearings here, apparently, but more than that, we considered that maybe we are meant to endure such a challenge right now - perhaps there's a gift too great to be handed over to us in a hastily wrapped, crinkled brown paper covered box.   He continued to remind me that I've only been here 3 days - I don't have to know everything right now.  We talked about God and how He leads us - how He trusts us to follow...and how hard it is to let go and do just that.

It rains here in the afternoons.  It's the rainy season.  We finished our coffees and left the restaurant only to see that the rain had hit its peak.  Not liking to be bogged down with extraneous, albeit necessary, baggage, I had left my brand new Indonesian-grade umbrella at the house.  Being the gentleman that he is, my friend produced his tiny umbrella and instead of sharing a semblance of dryness, we both wound up soaked.  I ran around the obstacles in the path - the trees, motorbikes, taxis and small rivers getting wetter and wetter (and feeling very guilty that my friend - the smart one who brought an umbrella - was getting as wet as I was!)

We made it back to the house and the absurdity of the situation just made me laugh - for some reason I was giddy.  We parted to peel off the drenched clothes and when I returned to the common area that we all share,  I was discussing plans for the rest of the afternoon with 2 other new friends.  I had planned for today to be an uber-productive day; language study in the a.m., blog and newsletter in the afternoon.  When asked about my various initiatives, "What's it called?"  "Where is it?" "How can I find it?", I completely butchered all the answers and realized that I've been so busy being busy about getting a handle on my new life that I was actually losing it even more!  This made me laugh again and it hit me.  I was meant to be in that rain today.  I needed the wake up, the re-birthing, the washing away of that self-defeating pressure.  I needed to get back into God's arms and I was taken by water. That's the way that it works for us hardheaded people.  We don't get sweet little nudges.  We get caught in a tropical deluge....and I'm thankful.  Thankful for the reminder. Thankful for my laughter. Thankful to be taken by the hand and led. Thankful for the constant stream of people in my life who reassure and affirm me. Thank you. (terima kasih)

Reflections on Leaving

Waiting.  That's what I've been doing for a really long time. Waiting has never been my forte.  I am a doer - an implementer, the one who makes things happen.  Hopefully, with age comes wisdom, but one thing that comes for sure is patience. I fought hard, but I lost and it's a good thing. Sometimes I surprise myself when events that once would've sent me over the edge don't even push me towards the threshold.

On Monday, I boarded a flight leaving the comfort of my loved ones and culture to live in a place on the other side of the world.  From what I've heard and read, the one thing that's necessary in order to successfully live in another culture is patience. Thank goodness that God knew what I needed when I didn't.  It is in that trust that I will leave, and live. 

Discerning a Vocation  (I like to think of it as submitting to the will of God) isn't an easy thing to do, especially when you think you know everything (as I always had).  Beginning about 6 years ago, though, I've been on a journey.  Not being able to continue in the manner that had sustained me throughout my adulthood, I faced dead-ends, frenzied messes and surreal catastrophes.  Broken and hurt, I was humbled. It's amazing, though, because when you're down you have at least 2 options.  You can stay there and complain or you can submit your ego to a process and rise up.  At this point, my affinity for getting things done saved my life.  Presented with the challenge of how I would shape my future, I knew I had to make some changes.  Fortified by the faith that has always sustained me, I was redeemed...and lifted.

I still struggle.  And I plan to always struggle.  For one reason, I'm not perfect.  I have some interesting thoughts on things that will keep me in some kind of endless conflict and I still have a feisty disposition.   But when faced with the challenge to maintain the status quo or rise, I will rise.  "Without a concerted effort there can be no glorious achievement."

The first item on my list of recent achievements is climbing over the me that always got in the way. I'm looking forward to travel the path ahead with renewed eyes, a replenished heart and a curious mind...and patience!