“You can safely assume that you've created God in your own image
when it turns out that
God hates all the same people you do.”
Anne Lamott
I believe that I've read somewhere that one should always struggle with their faith. Maybe I just think I read that because I want to believe that my struggle is justified. My faith, however, is never the struggle, but the way in which I'm supposed to operate in the world as a Christian? That's a big, endless struggle...
At first I didn't want to write about this because it seems negative. At least to my friends and family, I've shared how I've finally found a church that makes me happy and I can feel the love of God in the people and within the walls of the sanctuary. This is NOT about the church I attend or the people there. This is about what to do with ourselves when we are diametrically opposed to what another Christian presents and believes.
Churches here are different. Coming from a background in which being Christian is (or at least, was) commonplace and is reflected in myriad aspects of cultural life, it's really different to experience Christianity in a way that oftentimes seems to continue the traditions brought by "Western" missionaries from another time and place. I have trouble witnessing the perpetuation of an exclusionary superiority that presents itself in a heavy handed delivery of judgement, as well as an immutable concept of good/bad and right/wrong. Of course this happens in the US, too, but we have choices there. Different denominations, different churches, everything. The common thread of churches here, unfortunately, is that there isn't much diversity. In a communal culture, maybe, the majority rules and minority opinions are often silenced. The conservative/progressive discourse is happening here, but the progressive voice is not the one with power right now. This may not be evident, at first, but based on some things I've experienced and have also learned about, it's an unfortunate norm, rather than an exception, in many churches. I would also like to add that Christians in the US are currently fighting about what it means to be a Christian and that no group of people anywhere is ever immune to the fallout from people behaving like people like to behave. What happened today is of course based on interpretation that can be simplified into a conservative/progressive dichotomy, but I think it's more representative of something else.
It's a reminder to us all that being a part of the Body doesn't mean that we're always going to agree...even if the disagreement is based on behavior that is colored by a self-righteous, angry, distortion of what it means to be a follower of Christ.
That being said, especially with the judgement-laden terminology I chose to employ, I feel certain that many "self-righteous, angry, distorters" think equally harshly of those of us with a more progressive, Christ-centered perspective, and love-based religion.
I'm aware that I chose to use judgement-laden words...that's a part of my point. We all judge. Those filled with hell fire and damnation are as sure of their words as I am of mine.
One of the main differences in the Reformed church here and the one with which I'm most familiar, the Presbyterian Church (USA), is that Elders here often give sermons. They can even choose from a book of prepared sermons if they don't have time to create their own.
I guess that's refreshing on one hand - distribution of power, new perspectives, and possibly giving the "real" pastor a break (but not really, pastors here often have to serve multiple congregations, so our pastor is serving another church when he's not delivering the sermon at our church). But on the other hand, it can promote a relatively untrained and self-serving finger-pointer into a supreme vantage point for pulling their self-righteous trigger. I guess I've experienced the origin of the term "bully pulpit"...
I served as an Elder and for me, it's about serving the congregation and rising above myself; my baseness, my agenda and my opinions. I never thought that I knew more than other congregants or was more worthy or righteous, I just felt called to serve and did.
At the English-speaking congregation in Jogja where I often attended services, I was invited to share some thoughts, reflections really, a
couple of
times. It was always scary for me. Not because I didn't know what I was going to talk about and not even because I doubted what I wanted to say, but because who am I to get in front of people and talk about a relationship with God? Who is anybody, for that matter?
Those without "real" theological training, Elder or not, giving sermons is problematical for me because it's very easy to take things out of context, miss the big picture, and spread personal agendas using scripture as justification for such. Of course, "real" pastors can do and do the same, but there seems to be at least a semblance of theological integrity at stake for them, less so for others.
This isn't as much of a problem for me if the person discloses that they have no theology degree and they talk about love, service and how to follow Christ...namely because I'd likely agree with them. But when "those others" deliver a message that allows them the position of judge, jury, and God's personal hit man, I get a bit uncomfortable. Angry, even.
And here's the struggle.
I used to accompany my Grandmother to her church. It was a different denomination from mine that is well known in the South and often, unfortunately contributes to the idea that the South is full of religious bigots and haters.
A part of my "home training" is to pay attention to the sermon. Listen attentively. Don't go to sleep, don't talk and don't play with other materials, books, or any similar distraction. My Grandmother often used to read the Bible during the service and I think I know why. When I would be so enraged that I felt the need to walk out, she'd be sitting peacefully reading her Bible.
I guess that's why she never absorbed the message of hate and judgement that seemed to flow freely from the pulpit.
Why did she attend a church in which she didn't even half listen to the sermon? I guess it was about community, about being a part of the Body of Christ, being with her friends, and maybe of showing her commitment to being a good Christian who goes to church.
Meanwhile, I'm sitting there trying to figure out if I should stay or go.
I always stayed. I'd never embarrass her that way, but it was hard.
Today I had the same feeling. I wanted to walk out. It's only happened to me about 4 or 5 times in my life, but when it happens, I am ready to hit the door. Today, as always, I did not.
Not because the message wasn't dumbed-down and oversimplified. Not because I agreed with what he was saying. Not because he didn't twist and turn the Word of God into his own small, hateful worldview. Even though he seemed to be experiencing some orgasmic manifestation of self-righteous superiority by spewing vitriol and judgement from the pulpit, I stayed.
I didn't walk out because I was struggling with how we as Christians are supposed to treat people with whom we disagree. Walking out is the kindest thing I could have done. Truth be told, I wanted to yank him down and smack his face for being so damn hateful.
But then wouldn't I be just like him?
I often wonder whether I've twisted the notion of God's message of love through Christ into something easy for me to digest.
It doesn't seem to be natural to be so comfortable with my relationship with God. So maybe I'm just like him, but on the other side of the fence.
Today I asked myself how my faith challenges me.
Every time I'm able to keep my mouth shut, every time I don't give in to base acts of violence and every time I don't spew judgmental hate right back at the right wing haters that seem so comfortable doing the same, I'm challenged and struggling.
I'm not a sweet tempered, passive person. I'm a fighter. I love action movies and I've always enjoyed a good argument.
But when I can rein all that in, control myself and try to be more loving, understanding, and patient, I'm trying to live my faith.
I guess we all are - I hope we all are.
Meanwhile, I'll just sit and read my Bible.
