Enjoli

When I wasn't outside playing, riding my bike, or teaching my stuffed animals how to read, I was watching TV. In addition to Sanford and Son, Dallas and Sesame Street, the spirit of the "new woman" who had come a long way, baby, was reflected in Charlie's Angels, The Secrets of Isis, Wonder Woman, Cher and the Bionic Woman, just to name a few. 12 years old, full of everything and oh how I remember this commercial. In addition to the aforementioned female television role models, it iced the cake on what it meant to be female. (so, there you have it, parents - pay attention to what your kids watch! ha ha)

There's much discussion currently about this view of women "having it all"; career, marriage, children, life, etc. But from my perspective, we've always had it all - all the work, that is, so why not take that ball and run with it?

Consistent with my nature, I'll be inconsistent. I've been called a feminazi, a Southern woman or belle (depending on what I said or did), an idealist and Polly Anna. But I don't like labels. What I say comes from my experience. And I've had a lot. I am many things, but mostly I am human. But I do have some ideas on what it means to be a woman and I'm not ashamed to say it, either. My ideas come from my culture, my experience, books, my family, my many years as a mother (in many capacities; poor, not-poor, single, married, divorced, far away) and as noted above, from TV.

What does is mean to be a good woman? Here's what I think.

1. LOVE 
1. Love yourself. If you can't or won't take care of yourself, respect yourself or treat yourself with kindness, you can hardly expect anybody else to. The way we treat ourselves is the way we let others know we want to be treated. I know we all struggle with this. I always have, in one way or another, but when I learned to be as kind to myself as I was to others, my world changed.
2. Love your sisters. Do we really need to hate on each other about what kind of clothes, or lack of clothes, we're wearing? Should we waste time deciding who goes into what group; Madonna (good girl) or the Whore (bad girl)? Patriarchal systems do that enough - is that something we need to support, as well? Be careful with how we treat each other. That does NOT mean to accept or overlook the behavior of a sister if she is being hateful, hurtful or abusive to herself, her family, her children or others - I'm talking about comments and beliefs based on the way another woman dresses or conducts herself. She is human with a personality. That's all. If we approach a sister with hate, more times than not, it will be reciprocated. Why bother? Be kind.
3. Love your family. Be respectful. Be available. Be kind. Do what you can when you can. If somebody in your family isn't being kind to you or respecting you, remember number 1. You have to take care of yourself. Nobody deserves to be hurt. Ever. 
4. Love your children. Our children didn't ask to be born. If we don't want them, we don't have to have them, there are options, so if you have them, give them the best that you can. Always. They are the future and they deserve every bit of effort, compassion, love and understanding that we can provide. As a mother, it's not only our responsibility, but it's our gift. We were made to have children for a reason. Motherhood is not for the weak. Never take that most precious gift for granted.
5. Love your friends. Be the kind of friend that you want to have. 
6. Love your community. Be involved. Be friendly. Spend your money where it matters; where it supports people who work hard to give your community an identity and something special. Participate. Share. Pay attention.
7. Love your neighbor. There's plenty of hatefulness going around and it's easy to get sucked into it. Take the high road - don't judge others by the way they maintain their yards, the kind of car they drive, or the way they look. Someone once said that you never know what happens behind closed doors and you don't. You may think you do, but you don't. Somebody's in a bad mood? You don't know what they've just endured...be kind.
2. BE STRONG
1. Numbers 1-6 above are not easy sometimes. We have to be strong. Physically, mentally and spiritually. 
3. SPEAK UP
1. When we see someone being hurt, when we see something that has a negative affect on our children, families, or communities, speak up. Not with vicious, reactionary hate, but with concern and love. Participate. Engage. Empower. 
2. I've decided that the victim mentality that occasionally rears its head is life support for systems of patriarchy. A weak woman needs protection, needs controlling to save her from herself and the dangerous world, and most importantly, by only seeing ourselves as victims, we give away our power as autonomous agents.  We may be treated as a second-class human beings, but we're not; we're roughly 50% of the population. In believing that we are the only ones who can be harmed by domestic violence/abuse, we are acquiescing to the belief that women are not capable of being abusive because we have no power. That is not correct. Physical abuse is obvious to see, but studies indicate that emotional abuse is as damaging or more so than physical abuse. When your power is in the mind more than in the body, just imagine the kind of damage an abusive woman can wield. That hurts other women, men, and children and does not comply with numbers 2-6 above. Let's stop the hurt, shall we?

In short, women are human beings. We deserve the opportunity to be good, bad, ugly...everything and anything human. However, we do have a responsibility to make sure that all women have the opportunity to be human. And for that, we have to be full of love, strong and speak up! 

We can bring home the bacon, fry it up in a pan and never let our chosen one know he's the man (or woman, if that's applicable) But the point is, we're human and what we do, how we do it and to whom we choose to do it is our choice. So love yourselves, sisters, and let's love each other...our brothers, too.

We're all human beings worthy of dignity, respect and no labels.