Oscar Wilde
Suffice it to say I have much experience; it certainly sounds better to say that than "I've made many mistakes", but the fact is that without my "experience", I could be having many more "experiences", but instead I am having "adventures" (events that would be mistakes if I had no experience). Merriam-Webster says that "adventure" means one of the following 3 things:
1
a : an undertaking usually involving danger and unknown risksb : the encountering of risks <the spirit of adventure>
2
: an exciting or remarkable experience <an adventure in exotic dining>
3
: an enterprise involving financial risk
For me, adventures involve all four of the aforementioned types. Confusing? Yes. Welcome to life here for me.
Faith fortifies me and God holds me in the hollow of His hand, but I am still a lay person serving. I am just an English teacher who used to be an Urban Planner...who used to be a restaurant worker...who has always worked hard in more positions than those. I am just a regular person with much experience living life.
Living life in another country is quite different from living life in America. For instance, the way that I worked there for most of my career and the way I work here is markedly different. In the US it's about production first, relationships second. Here it seems to be about both at the same time :-)
The cultural differences (that I knew existed before coming here) play out in ways that I never expected, creating near-perpetual blindsiding. I spoke a little about this in this blog...
http://charlotteinmalang.blogspot.com/2011/07/when-youre-lost-is-often-how-to-find.html
The most recent thing that has caught me off-guard is the "saving face" phenomenon. Here, nobody ever wants to hurt your feelings, so they'll say just about anything to make you happy, whether they mean it, intend on doing it or not...for instance "everything's great - no problem", "I'll call you tomorrow" or "until next time"...knowing fully well that everything's really not great, they're not going to call and there won't be a next time. Anyway. I thank God for my "experiences" - they keep my from hitting the bottom most of the time.
That's not to say that I don't struggle. Anybody who knows me well knows that I view my life in a rather black and white manner - the world is decidedly not, but I have a bad habit of making my life that way - it's either "awesome!" or "oh my gosh what in the world is going on here???? This is horrific!!!"
My rational mind knows better, but my immediate responses usually have to be reined in...and the intensity with which I live makes reining myself in a job unto itself. I thank God for the wonderful friends I have made here who make that job a lot easier! He always provides me with the tools I need, in this case it is loving new friends.
Sometimes I find myself reflecting on the life I left in the States. It is disingenuous to think that I came here seeking adventure. Nothing is further from the truth. I am fully capable of having adventures anywhere I happen to be. I do feel called to be here - called to serve - and meant to grow. Of that there is no question.
Weekend before last I went to see Harry Potter - I could hardly contain the tears streaming down my face throughout the movie. Yes, the movie is a gut-wrencher, but I also felt the loss for what I left behind. I miss my daughter, I miss my Mother and my family - I miss my loved ones...I used to go to the movies every weekend...I used to go hiking and out to play in the woods at will...I used to have the freedom of mobility that I just don't have here. The life I left behind was free, full of friends and family, a supportive church environment and an understanding of the culture (of course! it was MY culture!)
All of a sudden this verse popped into my head - I had always struggled to fully comprehend the meaning of these verses from Matthew Chapter 10, but I think I know now.
37 “Anyone who loves their father or mother more than me is not worthy of me; anyone who loves their son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me. 38 Whoever does not take up their cross and follow me is not worthy of me. 39 Whoever finds their life will lose it, and whoever loses their life for my sake will find it.
Emotions have been high for me for the past few weeks. I can get teared up with very little stimulus. I just did. I understand now that losing your life doesn't have to be so literal.
Some of my loved ones at home have said to me "Well, I just can't tell if you're having fun or not". It's not about having fun. It is about gaining new perspectives (not sure why yet, but I'm sure there's a reason), it's about gaining new experiences (not quite sure to what end, but I'm sure there's a reason) and having an "adventure" through an unprecedented opportunity to grow. I have been called to serve.
I not only serve, but I receive. In fact, I often feel guilty that I receive more than I give. I have been surrounded by loving friends, amazing adventures and supportive, nurturing work environments. The students I serve continue to amaze me with their curiosity, their willingness to "think outside the box" and to prioritize their life goals in harmony with their faiths, whether it's Christianity, Islam or Buddhism; it is a blessing to witness such devotion to God!
So we know that God loves us - each and every one (even people like me, a regular lay-person with much "experience"). Hopefully, we also know that we all have an opportunity to serve and to love as we are all called to do. Sometimes we think that only certain types of people are called into service - the "perfect people", the ones who never make mistakes, the ones who do everything right...the ones with the proper training and correct "experiences"...
We all have an opportunity to serve. Additionally, we are all supposed to - in whatever way we can. Wherever we are.
May God guide us all as we try to live and love the way that we are supposed to - and may He continue to scoop us up when we fall/fail.
