Birthday "Presence"

Being selected by the Presbyterian Church (USA) to serve as an Mission Co-Worker to Indonesia was quite a blessing.  It was a long process with many procedures, interviews and forms!  As the musician Tom Petty sings, but in a completely different context, the waiting (was) the hardest part.  I found out in April of 2010 that I would live in Indonesia and yet I didn't arrive until late January of 2011.  

Perhaps I've mentioned this before, but I am not a professional theologian. I've hardly even taught Sunday School - I'm an Elder who sang in the choir. I can't "minister" to people.  I most recently became a certified teacher of English to speakers of other languages, but I am well aware that there are others who are more experienced, talented and knowledgeable than I.  On a bad day, I question my presence here - am I effective?  Am I serving these amazing people who are teaching me more than I them?  What was I thinking accepting this position? It's over my head - I'm a planner, for Pete's sakes!  Luckily bad days aren't common to me, but when they strike, the "badness" can be unrelenting.   

And then it happened.  A bad day almost happened.  I received an email from a Global Missions Fellow who is a newly ordained Presbyterian minister currently working in Zambia with her husband, also a newly ordained Presbyterian Minister.  They would like to come here in a few months - they would like to understand my ministry and what I'm doing relative to Interfaith and Education initiatives...YIKES! Of course I would love to see them - I would love to show them the cool things I've seen and experienced here, but ministry? Interfaith and Education what?!? Oh gosh - here it comes - bad day, bad day, bad day.....

BUT.  Not going to think about that now, I thought. Tonight is my birthday party and tomorrow is my birthday.  I'll think about what my ministry is later.

I chose to celebrate my birthday the night before my birthday because my birthday was on a Tuesday this year.  Tuesdays are good days - work, language learning and yoga.  I really wanted to maintain my schedule because I love it.  I finish yoga and get home at almost 9 p.m. and that would be too late for dinner out, so Monday it was.  

For once in my life, I make an effort to respect and maintain my schedule.  The time that I spend in language learning helps me communicate and build relationships with people in my community. The mental and physical aspects of yoga nourish my body and mind.  Additionally, I've been known to have pretty awesome epiphanies during the "savasana" pose at the end of a practice.  Allowing complete rest for the body, it somehow allows for a freeing of mind, as well.  One of the things that's drawn me to the practice of yoga is the philosophy of "being present": be here, be on the mat, get out of your head and into the practice.  I need that - I live in my head a lot.  A friend once told me that I analyze everything.  Yes I do. (and that's why I need yoga; that's why I love it)

So Monday I had yoga and then I enjoyed a delightful evening...with my friends.  And I mean my friends.  And I really mean, my friends (because I didn't expect many people to come).  Maybe 5 if I were lucky.  People are busy - it's hard to get out on a week night. I was concerned that the ones who might come would get bored because nobody else came.  I was worried.  I was in my head...and a bad day was potentially on the horizon.  And then - I had a delightful evening with my friends.

And there were a lot of us...way many more than I expected....

I'm not bragging and maybe this isn't many to you, but we had 15 people.  That is a lot in my book - more over, it was 15 people who I really care about - 15 people who I love and am grateful to have in my life.

Gushing is my forte.  When I am overcome with emotion, I have to tell it. I tell people how wonderful they are  or what a inspiration they are. I can't help it. I'll tell the stranger on the bus how beautiful her bag is, I'll tell the man on the street how cool his bicycle is, I will tell the young mom what a good mom she seems to be.  If it's good, why not say it?  Sharing goodness = gushing.  That's what I do. Sitting at this table surrounded by all these awesome people, my heart gushed.  For love, appreciation, friendship, laughter, learning and growing.  My soul continues to be warm from that incredible experience.

And then then next day - on my birthday - in the pose of "savasana" at the end of a particularly challenging practice, it came to me.  I know my ministry.  

"...to do justice, and to love kindness, and to walk humbly with |my| God" (Micah 8). 

Christians are supposed to be known for many things, but to me, the most significant is for our love.  Love is one thing I have no problem showing, expressing, sharing and receiving.  My ministry is to reflect love.  And I know I'm the right person for the job. Bad day?  Not today.