I'm struggling in that area right now, maybe because it seems that I either experience so much or so little, and my responsive feelings are, unfortunately, the same. Too much or too little. Where did it go? (cue Black Eyed Peas...).
All along I've believed that love is based on the definition in Corinthians, but the concept of love is based on values; values which can be personal (based on our own experiences and understanding), cultural (social and religious, mostly), or a thoughtful mixture of both.
Recently I've been thinking that even though LOVE seems pretty clear to me, the way that I interpret it makes all the difference. My interpretation is based on my values. What is kindness? How does it look? What about patience or to "insist on your own way"?
To some people, being kind means to extend a favor in full expectation of that favor being returned. Being patient might mean to wait silently until another person reaches the same conclusion that you've already made. And for some people, the person who lives openly as a "fill-in-the-blank-with-any-marginalized-identity" is pushing or forcing their lifestyle onto them. Rudeness may be interpreted as engaging in a discussion in which there are differences of opinion. The list is endless, but what it reflects isn't just the definition of love; it's the value system that creates the definition.
At one point in my life, I might have argued about love. I would willingly banter back and forth, feeding and receiving scriptures and experiences until at last, some conclusion was reached. That kind of activity, however, relies on a willingness to engage. A willingness to communicate with efforts to not only argue, but to empathize, to seek common ground, and to honestly listen to the other; the "other" with whom we have a completely different understanding of the same word, no less.
Without such willingness, how can we build peace? How can we dialogue with one another when we have confidently drawn deep lines in the sand based on our own values and beliefs? When everybody knows their own values and beliefs are right, why do we even need to discuss anything together?
I don't have the answer to those questions, but I do know this.
Without intentional, honest, and respectful dialogue with others who have different understandings of the world based on their own values and experiences, there can be no peace.
Peace can't be forced, bought, bombed, or bribed.
Different value systems make the struggle for peace difficult.
Ignoring it won't make it go away. Shutting people out and trying to keep them quiet won't make it go away. Peace is not passed down, handed over, or traded.
Peace is built. And it has to be built together.
This Christmas season as we around the world witness violence, pain and exclusion, misuse of power, and deep, unrelenting hurt, please let's stop before we lay blame.
Blame feeds a vicious cycle that burns fast and hot. No one is spared.
When we're busy pointing fingers, whether "rightly" or "wrongly", peace isn't going to climb out of the rubble.
We have to be willing to listen to each other.
I have no idea how that's going to happen or even what it looks like. People have to care before they'll listen and it hasn't been my immediate experience that people with severely different values want to listen to each other.
I pray that such an awareness can make a difference, but I know too well that nobody wants to talk about values.
It's just so much easier to be confident in our right-ness.
As I reflected on what I had written so far while I was preparing a little food, I realized that love, values, and peace could be considered as the ingredients for tolerance, but as is the case, I assume, with many Americans, I don't really like that word.
We tolerate what we don't like because we can't do anything about it, not because we are at peace, in peace, or with peace about it. Tolerance does not contribute to real, sustainable peace.
Tolerance sneers at "the other" and can't wait for "them" to leave.
Peace sees "the other" and carries on about the business of peace.
This Christmas, I want to understand peace. I want to understand how to be a peacemaker.
Let there be peace on earth and let it begin with me.
