Let Love Rule, Really

Wow.  Yes, I talk about love a lot...namely 

here http://charlotteinjogja.blogspot.com/2011/05/channeling-love.html, 

here http://charlotteinjogja.blogspot.com/2011/04/birthday-presence.html 

and here http://charlotteinjogja.blogspot.com/2011/02/on-valentines-day.html. 

I am such a sap. I mean really.  "Let Love Rule" - again? That song is one that regularly pops into my thoughts and hopefully influences my actions, as well.

Too often when we think about love, we think about it in romantic terms - maybe about a special someone with whom we'd like to spend our time, often even our lives.  Maybe we think about it in terms of how we love our children and we'd give our very lives for them - it is a powerful, motivational and sacrificial kind of love.  Perhaps when we think about love we think of our friends and how grateful we are that they are there for us, no matter what, and we for them - that's love. One of the special places in my heart is for my animals.  Don't we all love our pets?

Please accept this reflection for your consideration today.

Mother Teresa reputedly said

Intense love does not measure, it just gives

I don't believe that she was referring specifically to any of the aforementioned reflections of love, but to the bigger and harder act of loving. When you really want to "let love rule", you have to first let love rule your heart, mind and actions - and that means towards everybody and everything, not just towards those we deem worthy of adoration.

Thankfully, over the past few years I have referenced these well-known Bible verses as guidelines for living. - I believe that the following attributes refer to how Christians should behave....all the time....to everybody ... and in everything.

Corinthians 12:31 and 13:4-8; 11,13

31 But strive for the greater gifts. And I will show you a still more excellent way.

13  Love is patient; love is kind; love is not envious or boastful or arrogant ⁵or rude. 

It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; ⁶it does not rejoice

in wrongdoing, but rejoices in the truth.⁷It bears all things, believes all things, 

hopes all things,endures all things. 8 Love never ends. 

¹¹When I was a child, I spoke like a child, I thought like a child, I

reasoned like a child; when I became an adult, I put an end to childish 

ways.  ¹³And now faith, hope, and love abide, these three; and 

the greatest of these is love.

Admittedly, this is most often heard during wedding ceremonies, but I'll have to say considering the state of American marriages, something is awry.  What is awry is that it is not only to our spouses that we are to offer love in this way - it is to everyone, to everything.  We are building the kingdom on earth when we share love.  As Christians, it's our job.

That is not to say that other religions are not fortified in  love, of course they are - it's what God wants all of us to do, but because I am familiar with the Christian directive, I share it here.

A friend explained something to me one day and used the following adage to make it crystal clear.  Imagine that a person asked you for water.  You pull water from a source of pain, anguish, hatred and cynicism.  Even though you willingly, and possibly with love,  gave the water, it was from a polluted source.  Imagine drawing the water from a source of non-judgement, honest and honorable speaking, compassion and humility.  Give that water with love.  Which water do you think will be better, even though both were given with the same intention?

We fool ourselves when we believe that we can selectively share love.  We cannot.

The verses in Corinthians describe how to love, specifically by detailing what is not love.  Those verses are clear.  Originally directed to the population living at Corinth, a busy Greek sea port with many houses of "worship" to Aphrodite, the goddess of love, these verses clarify how love should be shared.

In 1995, I was fortunate enough to travel to Greece and to visit the ruins of ancient Corinth.  We saw the foundations of the bathhouses, the proximity to the water and I could understand the significance of Paul's letter to the people of the church there. I am not in a position to expound upon the theological significance of this Book, but I will add that it reminds me of this awesome quote that I saw often on a sign off Wilkinson Boulevard in Charlotte, NC

Love people and use things

Not the other way around 

When operating from a point of love, the world changes. You HAVE to let things flow through your body...you have to transcend the obstacles of human pettiness and apply the concepts set forth in Corinthians...boyfriend do something weird and you're not sure what to make of it? Trust, hope, persevere. (That sounds like giving someone the benefit of the doubt, to me) What about the woman in the grocery store who forgets to have her produce priced before getting in line and now you have to wait on her? Not irritable or resentful...does not rejoice in wrongdoing. (You mean that we should give people a pass when they obviously do something not too bright?)  How about that neighbor who REALLY gets on your nerves? Love is not envious...or rude...or insists on its own way. (I have to talk with them to find some sort of resolution???) That sounds a lot like putting an end to childish ways...do you see how the directives of those verses can be applied everywhere in your daily life? They can, believe me.

As far as I know, Jesus didn't specify what kind of clothes I'm supposed to wear or specifically how I am supposed to behave, but I know for a fact that He said "to love God with all your heart, mind soul and body and to love your neighbor as yourself".  I would like for you to consider that your neighbor isn't just "your neighbor", but every sentient being in the world. 

None of this means that living in love is easy - if fact, it is by far one of the most challenging undertakings I've ever attempted.  My feelings get hurt, I get angry, and I'm still impatient, but what is more important is that I have the tools to love through those things and I often can.

It is hard and requires much effort...but it's also an adventure. And I love it. Really.

On Motherhood.

Crying. It's one of the things that a mother can understand better than anyone else.  The pain of childbirth is but mere preparation for the trials that lie ahead.  When your child becomes an adult and begins to forge her own path, the question of whether we succeeded or failed in our role as primary nurturer can bear down and reduce the strongest woman into a pool of liquid salt.

By far, my most important accomplishment to date has been giving birth to my daughter. She came along at a time in which I had lost hope, I was lost and and my family was, for all intents and purposes, lost as well.  When I learned in April of 1988 that I was carrying a gift from God, I had a reason to learn to love myself and to take care of myself to nurture the gift within me.  

When I started writing this blog many weeks ago, I was about into that pool of salt referenced above.  Someone had written me a really long email about how I had abandoned my child and left her struggling and how I am not a compassionate person. Why was I still communicating with that person? Because I was trying to be nice (look where it got me - that’s how it goes, right?)  

Motherhood is not for the weak - either spiritually or physically. Being here, halfway around the world I know that sometimes being a Mother means doing the right thing, even when it rips your heart out.

I have spent more than half of my life devoting every single waking second to being a good Mom and raising a strong daughter with self-confidence, poise and grace.  How will she ever know how awesome she is if I continue to hover over her and direct her every move?

I have faith...in myself, in my daughter, and most of all to God who takes care of us and always has.

When You're Lost is Often How to Find the Way

Finding out what you're really made of seems to be much easier when you're completely out of your comfort zone.

A dear, sweet, marvelous, smart, awesome and inspirational friend made a joke on my Facebook page that I always look like I'm on vacation, so, "what kind of job do you have and are there anymore?" Ha ha.

Since I've arrived in Indonesia, my accent has gotten a little thicker (molasses, any one?), my penchant for hot sauce and rice a little stronger (slap some greens on that pile and call it a meal) and my homage to the heat ("oh - hot? no - I don't need the AC, thanks") is a little more Darwin-istic, shall we say.

Sometimes, too, when the rug is pulled out from under you (or maybe you choose to leap off it, as did I) you must learn that what you know is but a facet of the ways things play out in real life.

Before I arrived in Indonesia, I knew that I came from a culture that prioritizes the individual and that I was going to a culture in which the group (or "society") takes priority.  It sounds simple and is easy to understand, so I was prepared. (I'm being facetious) The gaping chasm between "knowing" and "understanding" becomes incredibly evident when the following things happen to you:

1) You excitedly share with a friend that you'll soon be moving into "your own house" (YAY American style!!!) She looks at you with an expression of sheer terror and asks "Alone?!?!" Being alone here seems to be one of the absolute worst things that could ever happen to a person, much less to consider than a person would willingly bring it onto her or himself! (I won't even go into how many people, taxi drivers mostly, are completely befuddled that I came here ALONE!!! Wow!)

2) One of the coolest things that I've learned is that words for "colleague", "classmate" and "co-worker" aren't really used here.  In each instance in which any of those words would apply, the kind word "friend" is used.  One example of how this works is from my yoga classes where we regularly "partner up" for assists ("partner with a friend").  I've yet to be injured and I don't think I've injured anybody.  It's kind of a refreshing change to get out of your head and into a world of social cooperation. 

3) A simple exercise in language learning class on giving advice exposed the very heart of the differences between individualist and social cultures. It would be nearly impossible for a person from an individualist culture to give advice without first knowing a great deal about the recipient...we would custom-create advice specific to that person.  In a culture that prioritizes the group, one answer should suffice for any member and be equally applicable, possibly even assuming that there is such a thing as an answer that is always right...

4) I don't really know how much this plays into the individualistic/social dynamic or not, but I think that I will say it does for these purposes. The state of marriage in my country is abysmal. And I'm not even talking about gay marriage, I'm talking about the fact that at least 50% of American marriages end in divorce.  The upshot of that is, though, that in the US there are plenty of single people my age.  I see them in the park, maybe interact with them in a social setting, maybe even work with them.  I don't feel very alone there - there are plenty of people my age and of similar social standing.  Here marriages rarely end in divorce.  And people marry when they are in their late 20's.  When people marry, it is often said that they marry a family - how that plays out is that women are never stranded at home to raise babies alone, when conflict arises some older family member steps in to mediate, and both members of the marriage have a seemingly endless support network who have a vested interest in maintaining the marriage.  So, sometimes I feel as if I never see anybody my age (in a country in which age is paramount) and it can feel weird.  I didn't realize it until I watched this video the other day

and I found myself lovingly gazing into the lines of his face because I haven't seen any except mine for so long......

I've often written about how grateful I am to be here and that is the truth.  I am excited to learn and to be challenged by these "understandings".

The title of this post is "When You're Lost is Often How to Find the Way" but I must confess.  I've yet to be "lost"....I've "known" everything....except sometimes that I was lost...and now I know, for real, that through the grace of God I am finding my way....and it's a glorious adventure.