500 Words a Day (1)

I read the other day that writers are a disciplined lot; or maybe that they should be. One writer said that he forces himself to write 500 words a day. The point, he said, was not to break ground on some earth shattering revelation, but just to get the words on the page and maintain a stimulated brain.

Usually when I write, I'm waiting be cause of some epiphany. Something important that I think really needs to be shared. As such, I have a long list of unfinished drafts. I get an idea, I begin to write about it and realize that I can't complete the thoughts...too much...too complicated....lost the inspiration.

Maybe if I write 500 words a day, I'll be able to complete those drafts and not be so inspiration dependent. Maybe.

There's a new Marlboro add here. Advertisements everywhere say something similar to

Maybe 

I'll climb that mountain

So maybe I won't write 500 hundred words a day. I will write 500 words a day.

It's so easy to fall back into a default mode of being. I'm always reading articles about how to improve any aspect of myself, how to act correctly, say the right things, try to cultivate compassion...somehow in all this scurrying around to be better, I'm wondering if any of those things fills another mantra I often scurry around worrying about which is how to be true to yourself. If I'm always trying to change myself to be better, am I still me? 

When I was younger, I was often guided me with words such as "yes, but fill in the blank (nice people, educated people, Southern people, WE, etc.) don't do that", so maybe it's such a part of who I am to contain what I would naturally do, because, well, nice people like I should be don't do things like that.

The hardest thing I've ever tried to rein in is my temper. I'd love to just unleash on somebody sometimes. Right now with all of the shutdown craziness in the US, I'd like to get on Facebook and start a war calling names, making ridiculous accusations, being an emotional reactionary - I know how they feel, but I also know that "educated people don't act like that". I guess I don't act like that. I'd like to though. I wonder why I always hold back. I guess because I know that I shouldn't be stupid or say stupid things. 

Most of all, it's because I know things are never simple enough to argue and yell about. Without dialogue and an attempt at mutual understanding, it's a waste of time. 

If I'm going to waste time, I'll just play Bejeweled.

I love to waste time. That seems like some kind of cardinal sin. I don't want to take my life or my days for granted, but I just like to zone out sometimes. 

I think too much. I always have. There's probably some medication for that, but I don't want it. I guess it's how I am supposed to be - hopefully some good will come out of it one day.

Right now I'm hoping 500 words a day will help bring some good out of it. 

And I don't mean maybe.

That was my first attempt and I'm at 478 words. 22 more. Hm. 

You know what I've been thinking today? Why made South America ripe for liberation theology to be born? I wonder if anyone has ever compared the administration of Gus Dur to that of Obama. And finally, I wonder if there's so much confusion in the world because we try to use a particular academic framework, i.e. Western with serious critical thinking, and never from the another perspective free of said influence. Hm. 

621. Day 1. Check.