The funny thing is, my initial reaction was to giggle and to "like" it, but mere seconds later, I realized what a horrible message this post promotes.
The first horrible message is the word "whore" itself. Does it mean somebody who charges for sexual services? Does it mean a "loose woman" with no morals who "slept around"? Who, exactly, was really a whore in HIGH SCHOOL? As a middle-aged adult, I know that regardless of how mature and worldly high school kids think they are, they are CHILDREN; possibly misguided, abused, confused, hurting, neglected - or maybe they're just teenagers!. We don't know what could possess an adult to consider a child a whore, but the idea that it's even possible to slap such an ugly label on a child is more than a bit unsettling to me.
The following reflection is based on three main points. The first is that kids in high school are children. The second is the idea that "damaged" people have no right to find solace in the love of Christ the Lord. The last is a plea for us to consider how we choose to operate in this world.
First of all, kids in high school are children. Older children, yes, but all the same children who are trying to find their place in a world that is often confusing, full of contradictions, and rife with hormonal changes and cellular growth. It is not only cruel to label a human being with such inescapable baggage, but it does absolutely nothing to promote healthy attitudes towards girls and women. For an adult to reflect on high school days and think for a moment that a teen-aged child was actually a whore speaks less about the "whore" and more to a backwards perspective that hurts women. Such a meme shouts judgement in support of a patriarchal worldview that seeks to keep those of the female persuasion in the "right place". Growing up is hard for everybody and it's especially hard for girls who are exposed, on a regular basis, to conflicting ideas about what it means to be a female. Whore? Hardly. Please think again.
As an adult who suffered through myriad instances of name-calling, shaming, and out right detestation from my peers during the high school years (and even before), I know that the only thing that got me through so many days of pain was my faith in God. How dare the blessings and grace of our Lord and Savior be denied to those who need it most! As an adult, I've known many women who also suffered through bad reputations as children/teenagers. One of the commonalities we all share is related to the notion of Love; love we lacked, love we didn't know how to manage, love that hurt, love that didn't seem like love at all, but we were told it was,.. Most of us were hurting. Most of us, knowingly or not, contributed to the arsenal of stones that would be used against us - we can see in this meme that it's not only bad to be a whore, but it's bad to repent, too - should we be thrown away? Are we that damaged and useless? I believe not. Love is a very powerful force. How can we expect children, teenagers particularly, to deftly manage the weight of such a powerful and life changing gift? Of course the people who were once labeled as "whores" post Bible verses now - they (we) know the taste of the water Christ offered at the well. We know who saved our lives. We know the debt we owe. Do you?
Finally, as adults we can choose how we'll operate in this world. We can choose whether we want to spend our days hurting people or loving people. Hopefully as adults. we know that there are ways of being that cause pain, just as we know there are ways that can lessen it. Which path do we choose to take?
I'm going to close with a story.
One evening I was out with a friend who, like me, has a colorful past. She and I both have chosen the path we'll tread as adults and we try, with all of our human capabilities, to live with integrity - even in the face of our very human failings and struggles.
We had gone to a small cafe and chatted about our day when my attention directly shifted onto two very average, and even homely, looking young women. They were in their early twenties, at best.
They were chatting with a couple of "bule" (white foreigners) who happened to be men. She asked me if I thought those girls were pretty and wondered aloud why two "bule" like that would take an interest in them.
The phenomenon of local Indonesian girls and women actively seeking out "bule" men for the opportunity to improve their lot in life is a subject of regular contextual reflection.
The young women were dressed as if they had stepped out of a Salvation Army phone center - they weren't dressed the part to be out looking for men. My interest was piqued and from this point on, I paid attention.
What I witnessed was a business exchange. I saw their "pimp", I watched the deal go down, and I've watched enough TV to know what had transpired. I had never seen such a thing in "real life" and I was shamefully excited, I must admit - I'd never seen it before! It DOES happen! Moments later the entourage was no longer there.
Later that night I saw the same young women again; different place, different pairings. One of them was dangerously drunk (or something), so I reached out to them; being drunk to the point of incoherence is not a good thing to be in a crowded dance club. I talked to them as if they were "normal" women. I didn't treat them like low-grade whores. I interacted with them like the sisters they were.
If they were in their early twenties, that would be dreamy, but it now appeared that the very drunk one may have been all of 18 years old,
My friend asked me how I could speak to "women like that". I asked her how many friendly faces did she think those young women experienced on a daily basis, especially from other women? We reflected on our own lives and thought again, together.
As with before, the young women were once again gone.
I have no doubt that those two young women had little to no say in their situation. I am sure that their options in life were limited and that their vulnerability was exploited. I could not and cannot save them, but I can show them kindness and treat them with love and respect. That's what we are called to do as Christians.
When we throw the word "whore" around, we contribute to a system of values that dehumanizes women and perpetuates a cycle of pain that only a privileged few can escape, and moreover, we disrespect and demonize those among us who are trapped in lifestyles in which they have little to no agency.
Every time I see posts about the evils of sex trafficking I think on those two young women. They are not "whores".
Choose your words wisely, but importantly, choose your path wisely. How do YOU want to operate in this world?
Will you operate with love or with damnation? Sometimes in life it feels that we have few options, but we can ALWAYS choose that.
The Love You Save, Joe Tex
I've been pushed around
I've been lost and found
I've been given til sundown
To get out of town
I've been taken outside
And I've been brutalized
And I've had to always be the one to smile and apologize
But I ain't never
In my life before
Seen so many love affairs
Go wrong as I do today
I want you to STOP
And find out what's wrong
Get it right
Or just leave love alone
Because the love you save today
Maybe will be your own
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