Ultimate Throw Down

I absolutely detest when someone does something nice for me and then repeatedly "throws it in my face".

To throw something in someone's face in this context means to constantly remind them of it in order to extract some benefit for themselves; whether it's to get something from you or just to get you to remember that you're in their debt, you will owe them indefinitely.

Here are some examples:

I gave you this job so you have to do anything I say

I bought that for you so you have to do what I say

I spent all this money on you so you have to...

Don't get me wrong, there's nothing wrong with having expectations in relationships. Healthy relationships are built on mutual agreements about what is given and what should be taken.

I gave you this job, so I expect you to be in the office 40 hours a week

I bought this for you so that you will have transportation

I spent all this money for your education and I hope you'll be serious with your studies

In a healthy relationship, the recipient has options.

I appreciate this job, but may I have an hour for lunch every day?

Do you need me to pick you up or help you with deliveries?

What if I want to change majors or need to take a sabbatical?

The difference, as maybe you can see, is that in the first set of examples, something was given that warranted a carte blanche-kind of ownership of the other person's time, actions, and energy. In the second set of examples, something was given, but not to "own" the person or to exact some kind of privilege, but to commence upon a relationship built on clearly defined expectations and dialogue, as well. 

"Throwing things in somebody's face" isn't a part of healthy relationship; it's a part of a conditional relationship in which one person denies the dignity of another and makes them feel indebted through pressure and shame.

I grew up with that experience. I'm sorry to say that my father threw just about everything he ever did for me in my face regularly, so much so that when I became an adult, I never wanted to either ask or take from anyone.  

I sent you to Brazil, I bought you a car, I put gas in your car, I bought you tires, I sent you to France...

If course I appreciated those things, but as many who know me now know, I'm not real keen on money.  I'm certainly not impressed by it. Money, to me, implies dominance or submission. I never want to experience being in a position to be treated that way ever again.

Has it affected my work and my life? Sure it has. 

Some of my friends thought that I was so independent, but the fact is, I never wanted to put myself in a position to be lorded over.

In my New Year's reflection today, I was reflecting on the past 4 years of my life. I have been a faithful (as much as a human like me could be) follower of Christ. I believe in God with all my heart. 

I came to Indonesia because I followed a call. 

My life has changed more than I could have ever expected. I have learned and grown more than I expected. I have seen some horrible things. I have experienced some horrible things. I have received incredible and magnificent blessings. Occasionally, I experience the hand of God. And I believe that I'm doing what I am supposed to do.

Today, however, I thought, Charlotte. Look at you. Look at how you're feeling. What does it remind you of?

I had to sit down.

Have I spent the past 4 years, metaphorically, throwing this obedience in the precious face of the God?

I've left my comfort, my family, I've been hated, lied to, manipulated, and HURT. When are you going to let me do my job??? When do I get mine?? When will you explain?

I can only imagine God's response. 

I've kept you safe.

I've surrounded you with angels who love you.

I introduced you to the man you only knew in your deepest dreams.

You are getting to know Me. 

God, being God, would NEVER throw His love in my face. What was I doing?

I'm still sitting down. I am ashamed.

I didn't follow this call to get anything. I don't suppose I followed this call to DO anything. I followed this call because I love God and I trust Him; way much more than I trust myself.

When we give, we give because we love.  Not because we expect something in return. We give without conditions. I had no idea that I was feeling/thinking that way. I realized it today.

I am ashamed.

I am still sitting...

but I will stand up, and I will do something. 

I will perform the ultimate throw down. I'm going to throw away that evil feeling that I detest. I will throw it down - far away from me, and I will be ever aware that this life is a blessing. I have been given far more than I expected and from now on, I won't be thinking about "the call". I'll be thinking on what I was called to do, instead; to learn, to listen, and most of all, to LOVE.

Will you come and follow me
if I but call your name?
Will you go where you don’t know
and never be the same?
Will you let my love be shown,
will you let my name be known,
will you let my life be grown
in you and you in me?

Will you leave yourself behind
if I but call your name?
Will you care for cruel and kind
and never be the same?
Will you risk the hostile stare
should your life attract or scare?
Will you let me answer prayer
in you and you in me?

Will you let the blinded see
if I but call your name?
Will you set the prisoners free
and never be the same?
Will you kiss the leper clean
and do such as this unseen,
and admit to what I mean
in you and you in me?

Will you love the ‘you’ you hide
if I but call your name?
Will you quell the fear inside
and never be the same?
Will you use the faith you’ve found
to reshape the world around
through my sight and touch and sound
in you and you in me?

Lord, your summons echoes true
when you but call my name.
Let me turn and follow you
and never be the same.
In your company I’ll go
where your love and footsteps show.
Thus I’ll move and live and grow
in you and you in me.

http://www.oystermouthparish.com/will-you-come-and-follow-me