Reflections of a Trainwreck

Last night I watched "Trainwreck", Amy Schumer's new movie, as I do just about every movie; on a laptop.

When I first saw the movie on the shelf at the store, I thought "Yay! This'll be funny!" And then I remember.

Sometimes it seems that's just the way it is; being a woman, the unending pain of what is harmfully dubbed "Daddy issues", and the societal smack down for daring to be anything other than what you're "supposed to be". Put on your big girl panties and deal.

What would have been a fun movie (more on that later) is yet another opportunity to reflect, to remember, and hopefully, to grow.

The movie wasn't as funny as I had hoped, I, like many women, either know or have been someone very similar to Amy.

While it was amusing to see the proverbial tables turned and a woman playing the role of the user, the exploiter, and the "emotionally unavailable", I just couldn't bring myself to laugh as often as I wanted.

Those characteristics don't represent who the character of Amy is as a person, but rather they represent the ways that she deals with how she thinks the world works. They are responses by her damaged soul. There is a difference.

As I washed clothes this morning, I found myself thinking about the movie. Amy's character reflects the values of her father and unfortunately, we only see pieces of how dangerous that can be for a woman. Waking up far away from home in a stranger's house to endure the walk of shame in club clothes isn't really funny.

Being late to work due to said incident isn't really funny, either.

In real life, the copious amounts of alcohol that she drank would cause some problems - at some point, anyway - what we can do when we're young changes as we get older, especially drinking everybody except ourselves under the table. Recovery times change.

In short, I couldn't laugh as much as I wanted because I've been, or I know, women like Amy.

Just like in the movie, though, most of us manage to move on. We can straighten out, learn our lessons, and have productive lives. Or not.

In the movie, Amy's boyfriend is the recipient of a prestigious award. She is there to support him and is fully aware of how important that event is to him. During his acceptance speech, she receives texts and calls from her megalomaniac boss. "PICK UP THIS PHONE NOW OR YOU'RE FIRED"

She removes herself from the room to take the call, hurts her boyfriend Aaron not once, but twice as she stayed out even longer to smoke a joint in the window.

Trainwreck.

Not only would I have not taken the call, but I wouldn't have had my phone on. I would have been fired.

You see, the thing about trainwrecks is that anything on the tracks is fair game - it was the job or it was Aaron, but it was going to be something. There's no wreck if nothing is not destroyed. It will always be something.

SPOILER ALERT - DON'T READ PAST HERE IF YOU WANT TO SEE THE FILM



I wish I could have been happier that she and Aaron were able to reconcile at the end, but I couldn't. I was happy for them, I mean, but does Aaron really deserve to deal with all that?

Recovery takes time and as much as we think that loving someone will "fix everything", it doesn't. Issues like Amy's character has don't just change overnight. We seem to get so happy when the trainwreck or the excuse me, "f**k up", finds someone who makes them see the need to change.

Change isn't easy or fast and what about the person on the receiving end? What about Aaron?

Do we think that male "f**ck ups" can just change? They don't, so why should a female trainwreck?

Maybe there's nothing in the movie to lead us to believe that she will change, but the fact that she wants to try is supposed to be enough. I do find comfort in their mutual affirmation at the end that they WANT to make it work and that they are willing to make the effort. That's huge, but...

I don't think it's enough. There are too many Aarons (or Avas) in the world that naively traipse into relationships with trainwrecks or "f**k ups" and believe that they'll just change.

Maybe they can change, but the idea that lifelong programming can be changed by the love of another person is dangerous. It's hurt countless women and now, showing that women can be the same, we risk not only spreading a disease of naivety that feeds toxic relationships, but also unconsciously treating it as normal.

Trainwreck.

I appreciate the film and I appreciate the female characters. It's important to see women in roles that are typically given to men. Yay! Women can be "f**ck ups" too!

I guess I just expected more. Unfortunately, it's the same ol' trope turned into a comedy. See, sisters, we can be the same! Yes, indeed, we ARE the same. And that shouldn't be something to laugh about.

When I was in my early twenties and found myself reeling from being on the receiving end of yet another male "f**k up", I played with the idea of being the same, but I had an epiphany. The people, male and female, who are hurt by trainwrecks and "f**k ups" don't deserve it. The people who DO deserve it can't be hurt, so how do we want to proceed? By hurting people (Aaron) who don't deserve it, or trying to make that change?

I don't wish for Amy's character to be a martyr, particularly, but our society has GOT to move past the tit-for-tat fixes of the goose and gander. It's not good for the goose, and it's not good for the gander.

It's the 21st century and it's time for a change. Amy's character, like the myriad male characters before her, has issues. And those don't just go away when a nice person who deserves love, respect, and honesty comes along to save the day. It just doesn't work that way and we need to stop thinking that it does.

It hurts everybody - trainwrecks, "f**k ups", and anything that happens to be on the track.

And that's not really funny.