Soon after the 2016 election, I wrote 99% of what follows. Last night I listened to an interview with Malcolm Gladwell who shared that he was happy to think in front of others with the ability to learn and grow together. In that spirit I am sharing this older post, especially in light of the apparent reality that more white women voted for Trump in 2020 than in 2016. I'm working hard to make sense of this, but at the same time, if race is indeed learned and is a social construct, this bubble dwelling hermit changed majors long ago.
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I read that 53% of white women (white like me?) voted for Donald Trump. I've seen varying numbers; the lowest being 42% and the highest is 53%. It's not my intention to shame them (us?) - women are human beings and have the right - always - to do as they (we) see fit. Secondly, I don't see hand-wringing or softness on either side. We are ALL on a mission and we all feel "right".
That being said, I was completely befuddled as to how so many women could vote for someone who has obviously disrespected and cheated on (arguably) each of his three wives (at least he divorced and didn't try to justify cheating while remaining married - that's an all-too-common reality for another post), as well as said that he could "grab a woman's p---- because he can" - or something to that effect - and no, to me it doesn't matter when he said it: such a nasty attitude doesn't just "go away."
Have these women never been grabbed? Groped? Forced to have sex against their will? Propositioned for sex by men in positions of authority? Have they been lied to or cheated on? Are they, like me, still holding a grudge against Hillary for not kicking Bill to the curb or, at least, for the back-handed slut-shaming of those who choose to "stand by |their| men"?
I believe in the rights of women, but identity politics plays no part in my belief. I've taken heat for not showing compassion for those who choose a different way of being female. I will not stand up for a woman who abuses her children or spouse, who plays a position of weakness to manipulate or to gain benefits for her own selfish ends. Being catty or bitchy is not a part of what it means to be a woman. It's a part of being human and there's no better proof than to look at all the catty, bitchy men who troll and yell. I am a feminist, but certainly not of the "Female First" camp, but rather a feminist fortified by humanism. In this day in age in America, the need for women to play small no longer exists, so don't be surprised that I can understand why women wouldn't choose to support Hillary
BUT
not supporting Hillary does not default into support for Trump - or did it? I cannot understand how they would vote for Donald Trump. And today I wonder why and how.
As often as we have found ourselves straddling an imaginary boundary between good girl/bad girl, sex object or virgin, warrior or princess, I guess I thought those days were pretty much over. It's clear they're not.
Many years ago, I was having lunch with my dear Grandmother and her sister, my dear aunt. This was in 1995 when Shannon Faulkner and a handful of other women sought entry into the prestigious Corps of Cadets at the Citadel, famed military academy in South Carolina.
When I brought up the case - thinking it would be yet another opportunity to further develop our strong bonds - their faces immediately changed into scary, angry monsters "I hope they get raped - every single one of them! I hope they get raped!" These two cultured Southern women descended into a tirade that would make the most dramatic soap opera diva jealous. Nobody could carry on like those two sisters and I just had to provoke it by wrongly thinking that we might be on the same page!
Even to this day that memory haunts me. How in the world...what were they thinking? I thought for sure, as strong as they were, that they would support an opportunity for young women with the will and ability to fight, to fight. I was wrong. They had a different perspective and it in no way meant that women were weak or couldn't fight, it simply meant, I suppose, that war is for men and women should know their place and stay there. Period.
I'm embarrassed, but only a bit, to admit that I channeled their righteous indignation when I learned of the women supporting Trump. "How could they? I hope they get raped!" I caught myself and backpaddled. I'm not that person, but I would be lying if I said that the thought - and the feeling - didn't briefly rage through my mind and body.
We should not be expected to be a monolithic body, but surely there are some places where we can find common ground, aren't there?
In the time since I began this post, the Women's March on Washington has transpired. And now, more than a year later, Stephanie Daniels/adult film actress, and her legal team headed by a man not afraid to speak out and sling hash, either, has filled the news. Mueller's team continues to bag game and white people all over America are calling the law on black people for...I'm going to say it..."not staying in their place." That is THE defining mentality of conservative-leaning people: know your place and stay in it. Are those 53% dutifully staying in their places?
In reading as much as I can via the internet, as well as being able to discuss it with some friends who didn't march, I have a clearer idea of at least some of the answers to my initial query.
Some women just don't feel oppressed and they believe that other women are being unduly hysterical (now that's a loaded term, isn't it?), as well.
Maybe for some women, the belief that "our" men will protect us serves to quell any fears about the boyish boasting and potential harm from someone who, unabashedly, doesn't view women as fully human. Perhaps I'm a little jealous of such confidence. I've never known it. I can't remember being protected, but I can remember being blamed. As a woman, anything that happens to me is surely my fault. Boys have fun and girls have babies, after all.
The story of Sodom and Gomorrah, depending on your religious beliefs, either demonizes homosexuality or describes how we are to treat strangers.
For me, it not only tells how we are to treat the stranger among us, but it is a sad example of power and "playing the game". Lot offered his virgin daughters to the mob "to do with them as they will"(Genesis 19:8). I always wondered why it seemed nobody was as preoccupied with that as they were about the so-called homosexual overtones or the description of how to treat the stranger. Odder yet, is that even though Lot was willing to engage in their game of violence and power by giving his daughters, he was going to be made to suffer an even harsher fate! In other words, by speaking against the crowd, his male privilege was nil. That's what happens when anybody, male or female, speaks against power. Privilege be damned. That's one of the things that a lot of people on both sides fail to realize. Privilege only goes so far without a commitment to the game.
As I read the story again, the two virgin daughters had another role to play after they fled the city.
I don't want to dwell on that story except to say that the fate of the daughters, at first, was in the hands of the father. A fine fate that would have been, too, I imagine. Later, after they fled, by taking responsibility for themselves and for humanity, albeit in an unsavory manner, they too did what they were "supposed to do"; they continued their lineage.
I'm trying hard to understand different perspectives, especially about what it means to be a woman in this Patriarchal world that too often forces us to be pitted against each other.
I have to remember that the 53% of white women have white fathers, white brothers, white uncles, and very likely, white sons. This puts them in the unfortunate position of not only maintaining and nurturing systemic racism, but also the Patriarchy.
I'm going to disagree with the women who voted for Trump, but at the same time, I will try not to demonize, name-call, or shame them. That's a game and a system that I want no part of. I will continue to hope that we all can do what we think we need to do, what we're supposed to do, and that we'll be ready to be accountable and to change our views if necessary.
https://www.thecut.com/2020/11/many-white-women-still-voted-for-trump-in-2020.html
